Step by Step
by Sardixiis
Summary: After Elliot had left, Cragen could only watch as Olivia struggled through the following days, weeks, and months. He knew it would be hard, but he'd never imagined it would be this difficult for her. As she continued to spiral down, he couldn't help wondering if he'd lost not just one detective, but two. Season 13 episode based story told from Cragen's point of view.
1. Chapter 1 The Beginning of the End

**Step by Step**

_Author's Note: Well, I finally returned with another story that only took me countless months to actually finish writing and then more weeks than it should have to finish proofreading and finishing it all up. But, it is done! I'm not sure how interested anyone is going to be in this one since it isn't all an original story. I loved the idea when I first started, but I'm not sure how it turned out. Basically I used this story as a reason to rewatch season 13. Feel free to use it that way too since each of the chapters are based on one of the episodes from the show. Original dialogue and scenarios don't belong to me._

* * *

Chapter One – The Beginning of the End

**May**

_"They're too close."_

_"You think I should split them up."_

_"Not unless you want to lose you two best detectives."_

Don Cragen sighed and rubbed wearily at his eyes. The doc couldn't have known how right she would be. He had seriously hoped that the loss of one member of his top pair wouldn't necessarily mean the loss of the other as well. Unfortunately that seemed to be exactly what was happening. The shoot-out in their squad room had unsettled all of them, but Olivia most of all. Her entire demeanor had changed, and they'd all noticed. He lifted his head and turned to gaze out the windows of his office so he could observe his detectives. Fin was on the phone, and John was nowhere to be seen, though Cragen wasn't worried. His gaze shifted to Olivia. To an outside observer it would look like she was working on something on her computer, but Cragen knew that wasn't the case. He knew her too well and had seen this far too often lately.

Olivia was gazing off into the distance over top of her computer. While Cragen was too far away to see if her eyes were focused on anything, he would bet money on the fact that they weren't. He had seen the blank expression on her face before. She was in her own world at the moment. More often than not anymore that was exactly where he'd see her.

He sighed heavily, unsure what to do with her. She'd adamantly refused any time off he'd offered, yet when she was at work she wasn't really there. Physically maybe, but mentally she wasn't even on the same planet. As much as he hated saying it, she had the expression of a lost puppy. It was painful to see. She'd been so far off her game since Elliot's abrupt departure that he'd needed to pull her into his office more than once. Eyes were on them at the moment, and cases needed to be closed. Before she'd been his top closer, but she had fallen a long way. Because of her lack of focus and the emotional turmoil the loss of her longtime partner had caused, she was barely holding on to a middle ranking now. The last thing he wanted to do was call her out on her inattention once again, but she couldn't afford to remain unfocused.

Cragen stood and left his office, slamming his door purposefully as he did. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Olivia jump in surprise, but he continued past her without a word. His unneeded trip to the bathroom had already served its purpose. Olivia was back in the land of the living and hopefully working again. For the moment his problem was solved, but until she truly pulled herself together it wasn't really over. Unless she figured things out there would be another long discussion in his office in Olivia's future, and he would need to start considering more drastic options. He had already set about adding a new detective or two to the unit. Even with the additions he didn't want to consider transferring Olivia, but if she continued the way she was going he might have to weigh his options.

Thankfully Cragen didn't have to remind her to stay on task anymore that morning. In fact, she'd almost buried herself too far into her work. It was a constant pendulum. She'd sway to extremes, first barely working and then almost breathing the job. The latter was far more common though. Many of his detectives got too deep in a difficult case and needed to be reminded, if not outright ordered, to take a break or get some rest. Olivia had always been one of the biggest culprits. With all the experience he'd gotten with her and the others, he knew how to deal with it.

He'd gotten so caught up in his work that by the time he glanced up at the clock it was a little after four. Olivia was still typing away, occasionally stopping to add something to her handwritten notes. After a brief moment of hesitation he left his office and approached her.

"Liv."

Olivia made a vague sound of recognition but didn't glance up or pause in her work. Cragen honestly doubted that she'd even heard him. Reaching out he rested a hand on her shoulder and called out to her again.

"Olivia."

This time she swiveled in her chair and looked up at him.

"Yeah, Cap?"

"I was going to grab something to eat, do you want anything?"

"Ah, no thanks. I'm not really hungry."

Of course she wasn't, which was what he was worried about. He would stake his career on the fact that she hadn't eaten lunch. She would never openly admit that of course, so he had to get a little bit creative. So far she was just proving his belief that she hadn't eaten. Subtly cornering her was the only way to get a real answer.

"Big lunch?"

Olivia simply shrugged and turned back toward her computer. It was all Cragen needed to know; he had her trapped.

"Liv, it's almost five. Have you eaten anything today?"

Her eyes flashed up to his, burning with anger. They weren't just flickering embers either, but a full on flame.

"Yes."

"Besides coffee?"

She continued staring daggers at him for a moment before her eyes dropped. Once again she turned away from him, refusing to acknowledge the question. Cragen didn't need a verbal answer though. He already had one.

"You need to eat, Liv," he told her softly.

"I'm fine, Captain."

She turned her eyes up to him again, some of the hardness in them gone. Olivia was silently pleading with him to let this go. Part of him wanted to do as she was asking, let her handle things, but he knew he couldn't. Knowing Olivia, she would continue ignoring her body's needs and would push herself until she collapsed. If she wouldn't look after herself, Cragen would do his best for her.

"Olivia, you can't do this. You need to eat."

"I'm a big girl, Captain. I can look after myself."

"I know you can. Get something to eat and make sure you go home on time today. You don't need to be spending all night here."

Olivia gave him a curt nod and returned to her work. Cragen wasn't sure she would follow his directions, but he couldn't push any harder. Olivia needed to make her own choices. Leaving her to her work, Cragen returned to his office. With his back turned to the door so nobody would notice, he pinched the bridge of his nose. What was he going to do with her?

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

The squad room had been quiet for the past few days. Quieter than usual, but functional. Everyone was busy working, including Olivia. Typically the squad room was filled with gentle banter even when they were working a case, which was the case now. While that was fine, he still wanted to check on his detectives. One in particular really. From what Cragen could tell Olivia was keeping mostly to herself though, which was rather unusual.

"Fin," he called as he stuck his head out of his office and motioned to his detective with is first two fingers.

Fin glanced up, a confused expression on his face. Munch patted his partner sympathetically on the shoulder.

"I wish you luck. Just don't dig yourself into a bigger hole."

"I ain't in a hole, and Cragen isn't pissed off either."

"Guess you're not in a very big one then."

"Can it, Munch," Fin shot over his shoulder as he headed toward Cragen's office.

The door closed with a gentle click once Fin had entered. Cragen motioned toward the chairs in front of his desk.

"Grab a seat if you want."

Unsure what this was about or what to think, Fin stuck his hands in his pockets and watched Cragen carefully, like a mouse eying a snake it didn't know if was hungry or not.

"I think I'll stand."

Cragen leaned against the edge of his desk and resisted the urge to rub at his face.

"You're not in trouble, Fin."

Fin visibly relaxed, though Cragen could still see the wariness flickering in his eyes. The question of why he had been called in was still there.

"How's Liv?"

Immediately the walls came up again. Fin wasn't as close to Olivia as Elliot had been, but he'd still stick his neck out for her. That was the way the entire squad was. None of them would turn informant on the other. Cragen knew that, but it wasn't really what he was asking Fin to do.

"I'm not looking to jam her up, Fin. I just want to check up on her. You interact more with her than I do."

Fin sighed and settled uneasily against the wall. It wasn't like his silence would really keep anything hidden. Olivia's behavior was obvious to anyone who knew her and likely to some who didn't too. Cragen already knew Olivia was hurting, that she wasn't completely right in the head at the moment. He couldn't possibly have missed the indications in her job performance. Since whatever Fin said couldn't do much harm, he finally relented.

"She's quiet, Cap'n. I'm used to gettin' some form of greetin' from her in the mornin', but lately it's just been a word or two. Even bouncin' ideas off her about a case hasn't gotten me much. Just short, clipped answers. Thoughtful, ya know, but not like her usual explained or connected ideas. More like what we write on our paperwork."

Cragen nodded in silence. He wasn't surprised considering Fin's admissions weren't exactly revelations to him. Even when she wound up in his office to explain herself she kept the discussion as short as she possibly could while still getting her point across.

"Can't convince her to grab a bite with me when we have down time either."

Little did Cragen know that Fin kept the fact that getting her to go out for a drink after work had never been easier. It wasn't something Cragen needed to know in Fin's opinion. At least not yet. Even if Fin had mentioned it, Cragen would have been far more worried about the fact that Olivia wasn't eating. Even under stress, he trusted her to handle her own drinking. She'd had a very clear example of what could happen if she had too much, and he seriously doubted she would ever risk even coming close to walking the same path her mother had.

"Has she been on track with her cases?" Cragen asked. "Investigating, interviews, interrogations?"

Again, Cragen already knew most of those answers, so Fin couldn't really deny what was happening. Besides, Cragen hoped Fin trusted him to use the information Fin was giving him in the right way. Cragen cared about Olivia. He'd stuck his neck out for her before, and this time helping her wouldn't require it to extend out quite that far.

"She's been fine. Maybe even a little over focused. She'd pushin' hard, 'specially in with perps."

Once again Cragen wasn't getting the whole story. Fin kept the fact that a few days ago she'd missed something on one of her cases that would have given her a break. He'd had to point it out at first, though the second he had she'd run with it on her own. Still, it was something Olivia rarely missed. As for the interrogations, he'd only been in with her on a few. Sometimes she was on her game, but other times she'd started toeing the line to the point that he'd had to cool her down. Typically that was her role, so it had been strange for Fin to take on the task of being g the leash handler so to say. Cragen had been watching some of those interrogations, and Fin had shared a mixed look of surprise and worry with is boss when it was over. The message was clear to both of them. Someone needed to keep an eye on Olivia to be sure she didn't become completely unhinged before she managed to tighten the screws on the door to her anger and control.

Cragen nodded but didn't seem particularly pleased. "Overly focused" was certainly an interesting way to put Olivia's recent behavior on the job. He would almost consider it as a political answer. In fact, he could have even used it with one of his bosses. Not a lie, but not revealing the real truth of the matter either.

"Do me a favor, Fin? Keep an eye on her."

"Course, Cap'n. Always."

Cragen nodded once again before sitting down behind his desk, concluding the discussion and giving Fin permission to leave. For now he would leave this mess in Fin's hands. Fin would be able to take what Olivia was dishing out and hopefully help her get through it before any official note needed to be made in her file. There was only so much Cragen would be able to do before he would need to make that notation, and that was something he would really prefer to avoid. Olivia didn't deserve that on top of everything else, and Cragen had to believe that she would pull through in time.


	2. Chapter 2 Scorched Earth

_Author's Note: And here is where we start in with actual episodes from season 13. As you will notice, the chapter titles are the episode titles so it should be easy to tell which one I'm doing (though they do go in order too). Please keep in mind that this is from Cragen's perspective which means Olivia's thoughts and reasoning for what she does may not be fully explained. Cragen can't read her mind, he can only make realistic guesses for what he sees._

* * *

Chapter Two – Scorched Earth

**June through July**

Cragen's patience and belief in Olivia was slowly paying off. Over the course of the last few weeks she'd started to come back to herself. Her work habits had picked back up again, and she was closing cases at a rate more reminiscent of her time with Elliot. Despite that she wasn't all the way herself. He still caught her drifting off at times and signs of her depression continued to crop up. The most obvious was how she'd appeared to age years in the month since her partner had taken leave. At the moment though, he couldn't complain about her work. It was why he wasn't concerned with the fact that Olivia was catching alone that weekend and they had pulled a case. Two weeks ago he would have been, but not anymore. Of course he hadn't expected it to be this much of a doozy, and Olivia looked like she was ready to start beating her head against a wall.

"How's it going?" he asked once Olivia closed the door on the third interview room.

Olivia sighed, and Cragen couldn't help noticing that she looked really run down already. From the little bit that he'd already witnessed the case was turning into a major cluster. Accusations were flying all over the place, and every adult that had been brought in was trying to one up the others with what they tossed around. The two children involved were trapped in the middle of the mess. With all of the adults together a traffic cop was more appropriate than a detective, but sometimes his people had to play that role.

"It's not. Every time I think I get close to unraveling the truth I realize I'm nowhere near it. This entire thing is such a tangled knot, Cap. I'm tempted to just lock them all up and be done with it."

"Olivia," Cragen warned.

She glanced over at him and then shook her head before fixing her eyes on the ceiling. After a moment or two she met his eyes.

"Relax, Captain. I'll do my job."

"I know you will," he assured calmly. "Would you like me to talk to one of them?"

"Feel free. Maybe you'll be able to untangle more than I could. I'm going to talk to the kids and see if that helps clear anything up."

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

There were a few phone calls that Cragen really hated receiving: calls from the chief saying one of his detectives had pulled something stupid, calls from the hospital or one of his detectives saying one of his people had been hurt on the job, or calls from One PP putting his unit in charge of a case that was so sensitive it could explode in all of their faces any second. As he set the phone back into its cradle he wouldn't help thinking that the call he'd just gotten was the worst of the three options. At least at the moment it was. Ever since the mess in the squad room a few months ago all eyes had been on SVU, and not in a good way. One minor slip up and they could all be in more hot water than anyone could escape from, even with a life jacket. The absolute last thing they needed was a high priority case involving a government official, and that was exactly what they had now. Screw it up and they'd all be boiled like lobsters. There was a good possibility they'd continue in lobster-like fashion and be served on platters for the police commissioner and chief of detectives to tear apart too.

As his people started to filter into the squad room he quickly rose from his chair and left his office.

"Munch, Fin, I need you with the Park Milano over by Fifth," Cragen told his detectives urgently.

"What's up?" Fin asked.

"Maid says a guest sexually assaulted her in the presidential suite."

"We're on it, Captain," Munch assured as he and his partner changed course.

Olivia turned the corner into the room just as Cragen was done with Munch and Fin. Unfortunately there was no rest for the weary, and despite the fact that Olivia's previous case had ended with two abusive parents and an uncle who was more than content to watch the violence and use the kids as his personal cleaning service, there was no time to lose. The only thing he could offer her was a quick apology.

"Olivia, sorry about your weekend. Meet the vic at Bellevue and get a prelim."

Thankfully she just lifted her hands in a "it's fine, not your fault" type of gesture. Cragen turned to the room as a whole then, needing to get their attention.

"Alright, listen. Color inside the lines. The suspect is Roberto Distasio, odds on favorite to be Italy's next prime minister."

Meaning they couldn't afford any screw ups. They couldn't even afford anything that came within a mile of a screw up.

While his people dispersed to their prospective jobs to work the case he couldn't totally keep down the worry boiling up inside of him. This was no time for his detectives to be at anything other than their best. His eyes drifted to Olivia, locking onto her back as she left the squad room to head to Bellevue. She hadn't uttered a word since she'd come in, and there was exhaustion in her eyes. Thankfully that wasn't playing too much across her face. Tired or not though, she was good with victims. She'd be okay.

It was only a short time later when his concern ratcheted up a few notches. Fin's information about Distacio's impending departure from the States was a major cause for concern. If that plane took off their case took off with it. With Distacio's laptop left at the hotel, they might have a chance though. A chance as thin as a knife, but still a chance.

"If he gets on that plane, he's gone for good. Stall him. Have the hotel tell him they're bringing it to him. Get there before wheels up."

Without wasting a moment he headed toward the elevator to try to head off some of this mess. The young blonde woman stepping off the elevator with a box in hand meant nothing to him until she called out. The moment she explained who she was the face clicked in Cragen's mind. Of all days to pick to arrive it had to be this one. Trying to get a new detective set up in the unit took quite a bit of work. The fact that Rollins was new to the NYPD as well would only mean more work. He didn't need anything more on his plate, but he wasn't going to turn down her desire to come with him and help. There simply wasn't enough time to do anything besides continue to move forward. Amanda Rollins would just need to take it all in stride, and she seemed ready to do just that. In the back of Cragen's mind buried so far down that it was barely audible thanks to today's mess he couldn't help wondering if Olivia would handle Rollins' arrival as well as the new detective was handling the sudden catapult into a major case. Cragen seriously doubted it. He hadn't managed to come up with a way to really discuss Rollins' arrival with Olivia yet. Of course he hadn't had an individual talk with any of the others either, but they were in the right frame of mind to understand. It was possible they had even expected him to hire someone new on before he'd even told them. Not Olivia though.

His concerns about how Benson would take the new arrival were quickly submerged as his thoughts returned to the case and getting Rollins up to date. He could worry about Olivia's reactions later. For the moment there was far too much work to do.

It was only a few minutes after arriving at the crime scene that Cragen received a call from Olivia.

_"Vic said she spit it out in the bathroom."_

After quickly directing CSU in that direction he turned his attention back to Olivia.

"Got it. CSU is looking now."

As he hung up he couldn't help feeling slightly pleased with the strength he'd heard in Olivia's voice. She was on her game today.

When Cragen received confirmation from Melinda that they'd found the mix of saliva and semen on the bathroom floor his relief grew exponentially. Now that they had some solid forensic evidence they were in a bit better shape. As long as Fin and Munch caught up to Distacio before he left the country there was a chance this case wouldn't be quite as impossible as he'd originally thought. Still difficult, yes, but not impossible.

Once Cragen and his unit returned to the precinct the game began, and big shot after big shot walked through the door to join in. Thankfully not all of them were batting for Distacio. Regardless, this was turning out to be the major leagues. As Cragen aided Cabot and Cutter he couldn't help his mind from shifting to Olivia briefly. The case would be in trouble if she didn't use her A game with this victim. Soon after the thought came to mind he brushed it away. Olivia was one of his best. While she hadn't pulled herself completely together yet, she would know how important this case was. Cragen had little doubt that almost all of her focus would be on the victim and the case. The small part of it that was lingering on Elliot should be controllable. He would know for sure when she got back, but until then he would have to trust her.

Thankfully he didn't have to wait too long. When the squad room suddenly became as silent as an empty courtroom he glanced toward the window to determine the cause. Olivia had just walked in with their victim. From what he could tell she was being just as protective as she usually was. Good. He kept half an eye on her as she made her way to his office only to put a full eye on her when she was waylaid by their new detective.

"Detective Benson?"

Olivia turned back, and Amanda continued as she reached out her hand to her new coworker.

"Amanda Rollins."

"Ah, transfer from Dallas, right?"

Had Cragen been able to hear that he would have been restraining a sigh. Of course Olivia hadn't been paying that much attention when he'd discussed Amanda's pending arrival with the squad. Thankfully Rollins didn't seem that put off by it.

"Well, Atlanta. You like Distacio for this?"

"Ah, he was there," Olivia replied, completely unwilling to spend any time discussing her beliefs about the case with someone she didn't know but still trying to be polite.

Even without the words Cragen could read it all from where he was sitting. Olivia was trying to push Rollins away, or more appropriately brush off someone she didn't think was significant. Given the case they were in the midst of he could understand, but it didn't bode well. As Olivia turned away to continue toward his office and was called back by Rollins again, Cragen caught the minor flash of impatience on her face before she schooled it back into a neutral mask and turned around.

"Ah, hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'm really happy to be here. I… um… I've studied a lot of your cases. I used some of the stuff you did on the Brown case, the infant homicides."

"Uh, yeah," Olivia returned distractedly as she glanced once more toward Cragen's office.

Her captain could almost feel her frustration and unwillingness to deal with this. Of course, Amanda hadn't exactly picked the best time either.

"I haven't briefed the captain yet, so thank you."

As Olivia began toward his office Cragen turned his full attention back to his meeting. When she walked in Cutter pounced on her like a cat on a laser pointer light.

"So where are we on the victim's statement?"

"Solid, backwards and forwards."

Now that she was close and discussing the case Cragen was pleased to see the determination and confidence radiating off Olivia. She was focused and on the ball. He couldn't ask for anything better. As the discussion continued, Olivia drifted to the viewing window to get her first look at Distacio and then turned away to look out of his office window into the bullpen. Even though Cutter continued the conversation with him, Cragen's eyes were on Olivia. A sinking feeling rushed over him. Maybe he'd spoken too soon when he'd thought she was on the ball.

Olivia's eyes were locked on the desk just on the other side of the window. Stabler's. The distant look he'd grown far too used to seeing recently had entered her eyes again. She'd checked out. He knew it. When she didn't immediately fill in Cutter's question about what they had on the maid, which only she had the answer to, Cragen's suspicions were confirmed. He needed to call her back, quickly.

"Liv?"

Her head snapped toward him, and she apologized immediately before starting in on her answer. Cragen was glad to see that she'd heard the question and hadn't tumbled too far into the dark abyss that her mind went to when she thought of Elliot. More importantly her answer provided the solid details he would have expected from her. She was still doing good work despite the moments of distraction, and he could deal with that for now.

After both Cutter and Olivia had left the office Alex turned toward him.

"I heard about the shooting."

If she was bringing this up it meant she'd noticed Olivia's behavior as well.

"Is Stabler coming back?"

"It's up to him," Cragen answered.

He knew it would be hell for Olivia if he didn't, but Cragen wasn't sure if even their partnership would be enough to bring Elliot back. Shooting a child wasn't something you go over easily, if you got over it at all. While Cragen knew Olivia would be understanding if Elliot chose to leave, it would still hurt her deeply. Not that she wasn't hurting now.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

"It's been a tough few months. We all know there's a bullseye on SVU from the top down," Cragen told his assembled squad after their victim had identified Distacio. "We are all under the microscope. We work this case by the book like our jobs depend on it."

And, in a way, they did.

"DA's office is going to put Miriam and her kids up at a hotel. Keep them away from the circus," Liv told him.

"Good. Distacio's got a world class PR team. He's going to try to get to her or dirty her or both," the captain answered.

"Romeo's ready for his forensic exam," Fin informed.

"Don't let your feelings get in the way, detective. You and Liv take him out a side door. No cameras. No perp walk," Cragen warned.

He was sincerely hoping that his two detectives listened to the warning. Of course he knew his people, and they probably would do just the opposite of what he'd asked regardless.

"No doubt. We're professionals, Captain," Fin assured.

Right. Professionals. Sometimes Cragen wondered about that.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

They say that if you're already underwater a few more feel on top doesn't make the drowning worse. At the moment Cragen would disagree. His squad was partially in shambles, this case was the highest stakes they'd had in a long time, and now IAB was in his office adding those extra feet. If that wasn't enough, the second the group from Internal Affairs walked out Olivia was in his office, the look on her face clear. She knew something was up, and she was damn well going to find out what it was. Cragen suspected, however, that she had a pretty good idea of the reason for their visit already.

"What does IAB want?"

Cragen watched her for a moment without saying a word. He didn't need to speak. She would know what the silence meant.

"That was a good shooting, Captain. Elliot was cleared."

"On that one. Now Internal Affairs wants to go over his entire jacket."

"Let 'em. There's nothing to find," Olivia insisted, her voice starting to become laced with heat.

"Liv, if it was his first good shooting, okay maybe even his second," Cragen began as he stood and moved toward her, "But it's his _sixth_. The whole squad is on notice."

"So what, he's going to be the sacrificial lamb? You're just going to give him up?"

The heat had bumped up a few notices again, and the accusation was strong. It was also ridiculous. She was speaking without thinking. Even so, it stung him a little bit.

"You know me better than that. He's like a son to me. I've been pushing as hard as I can."

Olivia turned away, obviously not liking what she was hearing. Cragen knew she wasn't going to like what else he had to say either and took a steadying breath before continuing.

"I just don't know how it's going to shake out."

She whipped toward him, eyes flashing.

"What does that mean?"

"It means," he began, his voice rising in volume to remind her who the superior was, "that if Elliot wants to keep his job he's going to have to submit to a psych eval, anger management, a lot of hoops."

"And he'll tell them to go to hell," she snapped before storming out of his office.

Her actions were bordering on disrespectful, but he let it go. For now he was still willing to give her a bit of leniency. He didn't have time to consider how much longer that would last since John was already at his door. It would be something to consider later.

"I'm afraid I have more bad news," Munch told him. "Team Distacio just swung an appellate court review of his bail."

Cragen nodded humorlessly. Of course. When it rained, it poured. Like he didn't have enough to worry about…

"Great…"

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

There were certain cases that created a buzz in the news, but only a few of those brought the buzzing into the police community. Rumors, discussions, bits and pieces of case gossip were floating around everywhere in the precinct. Even if you didn't want to listen, it was hard not to overhear. Cragen knew from experience that you couldn't trust everything on the rumor mill. In all honesty, you likely couldn't trust even half of the things on the rumor mill to be completely accurate. Unfortunately he couldn't come up with a reason why this particular piece of disturbing information would be fabricated. Which detectives or ADAs on the case believed the victim and which didn't was something people would want to get right.

According to rumor, Olivia Benson fell into the latter category.

And Cragen didn't want to believe it. If there was one of his people that he could always count on to trust the victims, to believe in them, it was Olivia. The fact that she didn't made him wonder if the cause was the victim herself or Olivia. Her state of mind was tilting drastically toward depression and distrust. With her footing so shaky she'd even begun to lose the part of her that had stood out since her first day on the squad. She fought for the victims, stood by them, and believed in them even when no one else would. Twelve years hadn't managed to diminish that. Until now.

Maybe Elliot's absence had done more than make her trip. Maybe it had caused her to fall completely.

Cragen seriously hoped not because if that was the case, she was done.

When Cragen put the phone down a few hours later there was more weight behind the thought that he could lose what was likely one of the best SVU detectives anywhere. The limbo Olivia and the squad had been in since the shooting was officially over. Elliot had put in his papers. He was done, and there was nothing Cragen could do to change that. The era of Benson and Stabler was over. Somehow Olivia was going to have to deal with the fact that her partner of almost 13 years was no longer her partner. The choice of how was hers.

Cragen was dreading the conversation he would need to have with her. Thankfully she was still in court, so for the moment he didn't need to have the answer to the difficult question of how he would explain the loss of her partner to her. There really was no good answer. No matter how gently he put it the news would burn her. The concern he'd had for her the past few months was nothing compared to what he was about to face. There was no doubt in his mind that Olivia would be hardly recognizable as herself once the news sunk in. Elliot was too much of a part of her. For her, doing this job without him would be like learning to function without a limb. He knew she was capable of finding her way through, but he didn't know if she would even be willing to try. Change was always hard and after twelve years… He just didn't know.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

Two hours had never felt so short before. Olivia was back and the dreaded moment had arrived. He was about to break her into a thousand tiny pieces. Like Humpty Dumpty. Cragen just prayed that unlike the nursery rhyme Olivia would be able to put herself back together again.

After taking one more moment to collect and prepare himself he stepped out of his office to call her in.

"Liv."

With that he turned back toward his office knowing she would follow. As he went he couldn't help catching John's words.

"Nice working with you."

God he hoped those words wouldn't prove true when everything was said and done. Before he was ready she was there in his office, talking about the case and alleviating his fear of her best trait going down the drain. Too bad it didn't ease any of the other fears.

"I don't think she was lying about being raped."

Liv, it doesn't even matter anymore. It's as unimportant as an ant is to a grizzly bear compared to what you're going to be facing now.

"Can you close the door please?" he requested gently.

Olivia did as he asked without a word, and he could see the change in her eyes. She knew something was up, something bad. Her expression was perfectly clear. The hammer was about to drop, and she could sense it. Cragen took one more deep breath before coming right out and saying it.

"Elliot put his papers in."

Cragen watched her closely, waiting for her response. All he got was a bottomless stare. She knew what that meant, but she didn't want to believe it. Even so, she couldn't deny the truth, and Cragen could almost see her crumbling. While she was holding it together, barely, he saw the cracks. If she let the truth sink in too deeply right now she would be crushed under the weight of it all.

"There's nothing I could do."

"He's earned it."

"And then some."

He wanted to reach out to her, but instead offered the only thing he could even though he knew she wouldn't accept.

"Do you want to talk?"

"No."

"Do you want to take a day?"

Her eyes drifted away for a moment as she fought for control. She was failing, but Cragen had no intention of pointing it out. Right now she didn't need to be strong. She was still trying to be even though her voice broke on the answer. Personally he was impressed she was managing to hold in the tears he knew were pressing harder and harder against her eyes. It just went to show how much this was affecting her. Olivia never let her emotions show.

"I'm fine."

No, she wasn't. He knew that. Unfortunately there wasn't anything more he could do.

"Liv… I'm sorry."

She smiled at him like she understood, like it wasn't a big deal. Her walls were trembling but still she managed to hold them up, to continue to be the unbreakable Detective Benson. But she was breakable. He knew that. He'd seen it. Just never as bad as this time.

When she left his office he kept his eyes on her. She returned to her desk automatically but simply stood there, dazed. A few of the detectives had glanced at her, but it wasn't until Munch had doled out the next assignment that Olivia pulled her control back together. When she answered him it sounded like nothing was wrong. It was a total lie. As she turned away and started down the empty hallway toward the interrogation rooms Cragen knew he was right. She couldn't break in front of anyone else, but she couldn't hold it all in either.

Her world had just imploded. Cragen couldn't help but wonder if she'd be able to hold onto all of the pieces until she was truly alone.

Or if she'd be able to hold onto them at all.


	3. Chapter 3 Personal Fouls

Chapter Three – Personal Fouls

**August**

Elliot had officially been gone for nearly a week and things hadn't gotten better. In fact, if Cragen had to say what they had gotten he would go with worse. Olivia had been increasingly moody and distant. Her arrival and departure habits had changed too. Before Cragen had seen her in the squad room after a full night of unrequired work or before the sun had even considered making an appearance for the day. Not only had she been the first one there, she'd also been the last to leave. It was far from the case anymore. For the last week she'd arrived barely on time, some days even bordering on late. She tended to leave right when her shift was over too, almost desperate to get away. To make matters worse she was visibly distancing herself from Rollins. In fact, Olivia barely even acknowledged her existence. Taking that into account, he figured there would be fireworks today when their second new recruit arrived. Not particularly how he wanted to start the day, but he would manage. Cragen had accepted that time moved forward and the holes in SVU needed to be filled. Olivia would have to start accepting that too.

"We're hiring another detective?" Olivia demanded the second she'd opened the door to his office and taken half a step in.

Apparently now was not the time when her acceptance was starting. Instead of trying to explain or telling her off for questioning decisions that were his to make, Cragen just played it off.

"Well, we're short staffed. He's a good guy out of warrants. He starts tomorrow."

A look of disbelief and dislike flashed clearly across her face without even an effort to hide it.

"You have a problem with that?" Cragen asked.

"Well, it's hard enough showing one rookie the ropes and now we have two. I mean, what is this, a daycare center?"

"Elliot's not coming back, Liv."

He knew that in her mind nobody would replace her old partner, but that wouldn't make him return to the force. It wouldn't prevent new detectives from coming in either. While her head knew, and perhaps not accepted but at least acknowledged, that Elliot really wasn't returning, her heart definitely hadn't. Had Olivia been thinking rationally he knew she would have understood that they truly needed new people on the force. Right now, however, frustration and grief were clouding her judgment. Thankfully she did seem to be taking time to control herself despite that.

"It takes me twice as long to explain the job to somebody else as it does to do it myself."

"That's not your call," Cragen told her sharply, unwilling to let this go any further. "Now you wanna be here, you're going to have to start working with other detectives. Alright? Let him go."

Olivia smiled sadly and looked down like she had been waiting for the moment he would call her out on her behavior. Now was that moment. If she wasn't going to make the effort to take that first step Cragen was damn well going to make her take it. The time to be completely lenient was over.

"And you can start by packing up his desk. We can't keep it as a shrine."

That hurt her; he saw it. As much as her pain tore into him, Cragen held his mask of control in place. He couldn't stand down on this. For her own good.

Just like Fin's, Cragen's eyes remained on Olivia after she'd left his office as she placed item after item into a box. Every movement was slow, reluctant, and yet at the same time sharp. She couldn't look at what she was moving for very long until she got to the photo. Cragen wasn't sure how long she would have gazed at it if Fin hadn't drawn her attention right then. Likely a while, falling deeper and deeper into the quicksand she was engulfed in already.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

As Cragen led the new addition to their squad into the bullpen he made a promise to himself that he wouldn't give any of his people special treatment on this. Really it was just a nice way of saying he was going to hold his ground with Olivia.

"Folks, this is Detective Second Grade Nick Amaro. He just transferred in."

"Second grade already, huh?" Rollins asked as she stood to shake his hand. "You must have caught some big fish."

"Nah, just kissed a lot of ass," Amaro answered.

Well, at least one of his female detectives was being friendly and welcoming. Olivia just seemed to be shooting laser beams out of her eyes, their deadliness muffled only by her obvious distrust and wariness. At least she wasn't being outright hostile. Yet.

"Detective Amaro is being modest," Cragen corrected, wanting to get the real version of events out in the open. "Two years under in Narcotics. Warrants. He took down the MS13 case."

"Well, this is a whole different world, Serpico. Not everybody has the stomach for it," Olivia told him.

While Amaro didn't appear to read between the lines of what she'd said, Cragen had. The message was clear as Caribbean water, though not nearly as beautiful. She wanted him to walk out the door right now, and if he didn't, she hoped he wouldn't have the stomach for the job that SVU entailed. Cragen just let it ride, though he did glance down to hide his feelings at her comment. Fin had obviously noticed the acidity behind Olivia's words as well, though Cragen was pleased to see he'd made no comment on it to either of them. Once the silence had continued for a moment he gave the new unit their riding instructions. For now he wasn't going to put one of the newbies with Olivia. Her attitude at the moment would sour them in an instant. While she wasn't off the hook entirely, he would give her a bit more time to get her act together.

"For the time being we're going to rotate partners."

Olivia glanced up at him with displeasure, but Cragen had been expecting as much and continued without missing a beat.

"Fin, Nick rides with you today. Get his feet wet. Oh, and Amaro, clean yourself up. You're not on the street anymore."

"Come on. I've got a guy that can shave you up real quick," Fin told Amaro as they headed for the door.

"Don't let him take you clothes shopping," Cragen called back.

By the time he'd gotten to his office Rollins was buried in her work, head down and focused. His eyes shifted to Olivia. Within a moment she glanced up, either feeling his eyes on her or sensing something. They locked onto each other in silent conversation.

_"This is the way it is."_

_"I don't like it."_

_"That doesn't matter. Play nice."_

Her face twisted in disgust.

_"I can't promise that."_

_"It's time to move on. You better at least try."_

Cragen turned away, moving into his office to start his own work. Olivia had the message. It was up to her to decide what to do with it. Until she did, the ball was in her court.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

It was the next morning when Cragen saw real interaction between Olivia and the new guys outside of a work conversation. At least he was calling it an interaction. Reality was more Olivia watching Nick surreptitiously as he unpacked his box for his desk. A moment after that she actually spoke to him, but again her words held a double meaning.

"Cop who doesn't eat donuts. How can I trust you?"

How can I trust you at all?

She definitely didn't trust him now, and she wasn't making any moves to get to know him so she could trust him either. Instead she was either speaking to him in passing or saying something that would demonstrate just how little he really knew. It was all quiet, subtle, but Cragen could still see it. He was sure that even if Rollins and Amaro hadn't picked up on her tactics they could definitely feel the cold shoulder Olivia was giving them. The frost was almost rolling off of her. Two could play at the subtle jabs game though.

"Fresh blood. Ready to work," he said as he walked over, shooting Olivia a quick look as he did. "Where are we on Coach Ray?"

"I've been going over coach's finances. They're clean. If he's been making monthly payments to Stevie they're not showing up on his statements. And his income, 50K, that doesn't leave him a lot left over," Rollins explained.

About halfway through her explanation Cragen began multitasking. While he still heard her and was processing what she was saying his main focus was across the aisle, on Olivia, who was drinking her coffee and staying unengaged, who hadn't had a word to contribute since the discussion started. She was refusing to even do research with them. That wasn't going to fly, but he'd deal with it later. Right now he needed his head on this case.

"50K," Amaro continued, "Bet he's got all kinds of shady business with agents, sneaker companies, college recruiters."

"Okay, so where's he hiding it?" Cragen probed.

"You know, we had a bad coach in Atlanta. It was football. His personal accounts were squeaky clean too, but his charitable foundation… it's another story," Rollins offered before she turned her computer around so they could see the screen with the "Ray's Boys" website.

"Ray's Boys Foundation," Amaro mused. "_Ray's_ boys. Wow."

"Okay, Rollins, start combing through the foundation's records. If Stevie's telling the truth he's not the only guy getting hush money," Cragen directed.

"I'm on it, Captain."

Cragen turned away from the two enthusiastic detectives. They were doing good work and putting their all into it. He was proud they were a part of his squad. At the moment, the same couldn't be said for another of his people. Dropping down into the seat next to Olivia's desk meant for those reporting a crime, Cragen turned his eyes on her.

"You doing okay?"

She turned her head aside, preparing to answer when he cut her off. He knew how she was doing, and he didn't give a rat's ass anymore.

"Good, good. So, ah, maybe you could help the new guys out a little. Kay?"

He stood and returned to his office before she could comment or protest. He didn't need to hear excuses; he needed her to start doing her job. Things couldn't go on this way.

Before Stabler had left Cragen would have pegged Olivia as a detective that would make an amazing training officer for a new detective. She was patient, even tempered, knew what she was doing, and had an unquenchable drive to get justice done. On top of all of that, she had a hell of a lot of experience to share. Unfortunately since Stabler's retirement Olivia had become a completely different person. Cragen still believed she could be a great mentor, but she had to get over her pent up anger, grief, and frustration first. That needed to happen _now._

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

Finally things seemed to be going if not well then at least okay between Olivia and the new detectives. If only the same could be said about the case. As Cragen stood with Alex and Amaro in his office watching Olivia and Fin interview Prince Miller he wanted to be hopeful. Unfortunately they didn't seem to be getting anywhere. When Prince and his lawyer stood up to leave, Cragen was about ready to give up on getting anything until Olivia tried one more thing.

"You know, one more question, Prince. You know, Stevie said that, ah, you got it worse than he did. When did Coach Ray stop raping you?"

"You need to shut your mouth," Prince warned. "Because you go no clue what you talkin' 'bout."

Olivia, however, wasn't going to back down.

"No? How come you get so upset every time I bring it up?" she asked softly.

"Nobody touches Prince Miller. Nobody."

Cragen was smiling inside. While Prince still denied everything, Olivia had gotten to him. She was well on the way to getting him to open up with that light touch she was so good at.

_That's a girl, Olivia._

As he continued to watch her eyes stayed locked on Prince's. Without a word she was reaching into his soul, showing him the truth, and being the person who was safe to confide in. It only lasted a moment before Prince's lawyer spoke and broke the gaze, but it didn't matter. The connection had been made. Olivia had gotten her foot in the door. Cragen just wished that was enough to end this whole case.

He'd spoken a bit too soon since it didn't look like the case would be ending anytime in the near future. Only an hour later he was standing in Alex's office with Amaro and Olivia sharing evidence on Stevie's killer, Supreme. With Stevie gone they had very little left to work with when it came to Coach Ray.

"Supreme's shoes were a match to the footprints at the scene with traces of Stevie's blood on the tread and on the side," Olivia explained.

"That should be enough for his lawyers to start playing "Let's Make a Deal,"" Alex responded.

"Yeah, but that still leaves Coach Ray out there, and without Stevie to testify," Cragen pointed out.

"We go back to Prince," Olivia replied.

"Yeah, good luck with that," Amaro muttered sarcastically.

He obviously didn't think Prince would ever talk. Cragen wasn't sure he disagreed even with the progress Olivia might have made.

"We can compel him if we empanel a grand jury," Alex offered. "We're not asking him to incriminate himself. Just Coach Ray."

"But forcing him to testify under threat of contempt? That's not the way to get it."

Cragen's eyes immediately locked onto Olivia. This was the second time in only a few hours that she'd shown a glimpse of her former self. He'd questioned whether or not her passion for the job was still there. While he hadn't quite gotten a full answer to that, he'd learned that her passion for the victims was still burning hot. Good.

"I'm trying to resurrect your case and you don't like my tactics?" Alex asked. "That coach is still out there right now doing this to other kids."

Olivia had turned away, not wanting to face that forcing a victim was the only option, so Cragen stepped in to try and ease the tensions.

"Prince put up a wall when he was fourteen years old. He's lied to us half a dozen times. What makes him tell the truth now?"

"Maybe we need to remind him what life was like before the wall went up," Olivia answered.

She seemed so sure, and Cragen wasn't about to stop her now. Like a derailed train that had finally gotten back on the tracks and moving, he couldn't suddenly cut that track off without risking a crash. He would give her this latitude. If anyone could break down the wall Prince had erected, Olivia could. She just had a way of chipping slowly at the mortar until she made a hole big enough to slip in or the door was opened.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

As the squad sat together watching Prince's press conference Cragen couldn't stop his eyes from shifting to Olivia from time to time. She'd done it. She'd gotten through the wall and helped Prince finally speak up. Olivia could be the balm to so many wounds if she allowed herself to be. At the beginning of the case it wouldn't have been possible, but as it continued Prince's scars had helped soothe Olivia's pain, and she, in turn, helped his. As proud as Cragen was that his squad had put a child molester behind bars, prevented further children from suffering from the sexual abuse, and helped the victims begin the healing process, he was more proud of Olivia Benson. She'd put her game face on and had really shone in the darkness of this case and the darkness she'd been fighting in her own heart.


	4. Chapter 4 Blood Brothers

Chapter Four – Blood Brothers

**Late August to Early September**

The right bound train Olivia had been riding during the Coach Ray case had detrailed somewhere. Not just "somewhere" either. The place she'd landed was full of hostility, reckless abandon, and sealed doors. It hadn't happened all at once, but slowly, day by day, her attitude had started to get worse. Cragen had thought Olivia would be fine working with the new detectives after their last high priority case. While it hadn't started out well, by the end he'd heard a few small compliments offered to the new guys. It was a road toward acceptance and eventual respect.

Unfortunately Olivia had begun backtracking down that road instead of continuing further. She'd kept to herself, not openly making conversation or offering to help them on her own. The cold shoulder had then become more and more obvious to the point that it stood out like spoiled milk in a fridge. Her responses had become tart and acidic, and her patience level with Amaro and Rollins had reached near zero.

Cragen was hoping she would work whatever this was through her system if he mostly left her alone, but it hadn't worked. In the end he'd had to call her into his office, _again_, to discuss her behavior. After warning her, sternly, that she needed to start shaping up and working with the newer detectives he'd seen a bit of improvement, at least when it came to her calling them to join her when she went out on a call. For the most part Olivia was only robotic with them. She would take them and associate with them if she had to, but she wasn't going to like it. Cragen had caught the looks she'd shot his way from time to time too. They weren't anything too venomous, but the message was far too clear.

_"I'm working with them. Are you happy now? This is ridiculous though. How long are you going to make me keep this up?"_

He'd simply ignored them since they hadn't deserved an answer. His job was not to cater to Olivia's every whim but to run his squad efficiently and effectively. While Olivia's case closure rate had dropped slightly, she was still effective as a detective. For now. It was always for now with her lately. Elliot's departure had left her standing on the thin edge of a knife blade. Even not Cragen was sure which side she'd end up falling on. She'd sway toward one side or the other almost bipolarly, but it had never been anything drastic. At least not until the end of August.

They'd been working a case for a few days, or at least Nick and Olivia had. It had even seemed to be a rather civil partnership too. Together they'd identified a solid suspect and found his location. Both detectives knew they would need to use caution when they picked him up because of the extreme level of violence he had inflicted on the victim. While he had no record of violent crimes and wasn't known for getting into fights, anything could happen. Tensions were running a bit high because of what their victim had endured. Very few suspects reacted well to being brought in by police either. Together it was a recipe for disaster.

And then Olivia had gone and left Amaro behind, deciding to fly solo for the arrest.

It was the type of stunt that Cragen would expect from a rookie detective trying to make a name for himself. Only someone young and stupid would try it. Quite honestly, it gave Cragen flashbacks of the case where a teenager had slipped into their squad room and posed as a cop, nearly devastating their whole case with his take down. Olivia was far from a rookie detective. Before this, Cragen would have said she was just as far from stupid too.

When Olivia had led the man into an interrogation room Cragen had nearly blown his lid. The instant the door had closed, leaving their suspect inside alone, his voice had rung out like a fog horn.

"Benson! My office!"

Through the red he was seeing Cragen watched Olivia walk toward him coolly despite the fact that most of the eyes in the room were on her. When she'd walked in she closed the door behind her without needing to be asked. It had been far too obvious after all. For a long time he just let her stand there. His fury was palpable, and she deserved to soak it in for a while. Not that it appeared to be bothering her. She simply faced him with a set expression and eyes like stone. A flicker of fear that Olivia had truly lost herself ignited in Cragen, but the anger quickly pushed it aside.

"I hope you have a damn good reason for your sudden desire to run a suicide mission!"

Olivia's eyes hardened even further.

"I didn't run a suicide mission. I went to pick up a suspect like we do just about every day."

"We pick up suspects every day as a team, Olivia, with a _partner_. You went in as a lone gun! Do you have any idea how reckless you were? What could have happened?"

And a lot of things could have happened.

She could have been hurt or potentially killed had they misjudged their suspect. There could have been just as much chance of the suspect getting hurt too. Whether accidental or required force, alone Olivia would have had no one to back up her decision. If something had happened and the guy had decided to play hardball he could have had a good chance of winning. Those possible scenarios were bad enough, and they only included the possibilities involving injuries. There could be almost as many involving a chase.

Olivia, however, didn't seem bothered by any of that.

"There isn't a scratch on him, or me, Captain."

"And I don't give a rat's ass, Detective. You got lucky this time, and I'm damn well not going to let you off easy because of that. I should put you on desk duty until you start demonstrating behavior befitting someone of your rank."

Cragen caught the flash of anger in Olivia's eyes the minute it ignited. His own face hardened, and he braced himself to make the order official. Olivia looked like she was about to snap back and argue about it. If she did, that was it. He'd go through with his threat and hopefully it would knock her hard enough that she'd get herself back under control. He remained silent as stone and watched her steadily as she twisted, jaw clenched and eyes flaring.

When she finally spoke Cragen could literally see the tension radiating off of her.

"That isn't necessary. It won't happen again."

Not apologetic by far, but she'd managed to keep her temper in check. It wasn't nearly what Cragen wanted, but at least she hadn't all out exploded in his face.

"It better not," he warned before jerking his head toward the door. "Go."

As Olivia walked out, obviously being mindful that her departure couldn't be describe quite as storming out, Cragen couldn't help sighing. It was starting to feel like he was dealing more with Stabler than Benson. Frustrating, yet true, and he was getting really sick and tired of it.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

A few weeks after the incident was over but not forgotten. Thankfully Olivia had given Cragen no reason to complain. Considering the discussion he'd just had that was good because a case was about to come her way. From what he'd gathered, this one could require some finesse. If any of his detectives were capable of that it was Olivia, at least under normal circumstances. A glimmer of doubt remained in his mind considering how edgy she'd been, but doubt or not this case was hers.

He left his office and led the monsignor over to Olivia's desk.

"Benson. Amaro. This is Monsignor Kiaga from…"

"Blessed Savior," Nick finished as he walked over.

Kiaga shook Olivia's hand before turning to Nick with a smile.

"Nick, NYPD finally got you into a suit."

"Uh, yeah."

Nick glanced down, seeming both embarrassed and a bit amused. Cragen could see that he was about to say more when Olivia turned and gave him a steady look. While Cragen couldn't see her face, he would have bet it wasn't an overly friendly look. When Nick immediately changed course the glimmer of doubt in Cragen grew. This was not the best way to be starting the case.

"Is everything okay, Father?" Nick asked.

"I'm not sure."

"A thirteen year old from his middle school is pregnant," Cragen explained.

"Does she have a boyfriend?" Olivia asked, shock written on her face.

"No."

"You understand, Father, we're going to be looking into everybody in her life," Cragen warned.

"That's why I came in," Kiaga answered. "You can't be too careful these days."

He moved past Cragen and Olivia to continue his discussion with Nick. They clapped hands, and he said something to Nick that Cragen didn't understand though his detective certainly did. Once Kiaga had walked away Cragen turned a questioning look on Nick.

"It's Catholic school Latin. It's basically don't screw up."

"Where's the girl now?" Olivia asked, redirecting the conversation back to what she thought was the only thing of importance.

"Given the circumstances I had her taken to the Child Advocacy Center."

"Okay, I'll head over," Olivia replied as she turned to get her coat.

It was more than apparent she had no intention of asking Nick to come along or even of bringing him with her. Given the way this case had gone so far, and how short Olivia had been with them all, especially Nick, in the few minutes they'd had it, Cragen had no intention of letting her go alone. Her walls and more aggressive defenses were up already, which was potentially bad for the case. More importantly, he wasn't going to let her get away with playing the lone ranger again even on something so small. When Nick turned away, having already learned what Olivia wanted from him, no question remained in Cragen's mind.

"Amaro, why don't you go with her."

Nick glanced at Olivia, almost as if he was asking her silently for her thoughts on the Captain's orders, or perhaps even her permission. Her opinion on that request came out right away. She turned toward Cragen with an amused "this is a joke, right?" expression.

"Captain, she's thirteen. She doesn't need two detectives in her face. She'll be overwhelmed."

"His Spanish is slightly better than yours, and the girl lives with her Puerto Rican grandmother," Cragen explained.

It was a valid point, but not the true reason for why Nick would accompany her. Had Nick not been there, Cragen would have been perfectly comfortable sending Olivia in without another Spanish speaker. She'd be more than adequate on her own with language; however, the reasoning was sound enough to use so Olivia wouldn't argue the point. Nick was to go with her.

Even if she had come up with something to argue with, Cragen wouldn't give her the chance. He turned away and headed back into his office, expecting his orders to be followed. While Olivia's displeasure with the orders stood out in the deep frown on her face and in her tense body language, they were followed and she brought Nick with her.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

"Ultrasound confirms it," Olivia began as she walked into the squad room with her phone in hand. "Ella Mendez is at least eight weeks pregnant."

"What, with an unbroken hymen? Is that even…?" Nick began.

"It's not that unusual," Olivia returned, pointedly displaying just how little Amaro actually knew.

"And she still refuses to name the father?" Cragen asked.

Olivia nodded just as Fin answered.

"She's protecting him or she's scared. Either way it's somebody she knows."

"What about the school? Any allegations?" Cragen questioned.

"Grandma said plenty," Nick explained. "A few years ago when Monsignor Kiaga came in. He cleaned house. He's one of the good guys."

"Alright. All due respect, Nick, but I'm going to have Munch double check that."

"Why do I always get the priests?" John complained.

Cragen didn't think there was any conspiracy to why John was always assigned to investigate the priests. In fact, all of his detectives had handled the investigation of someone in a religious role at some point in their careers. If it made John whine this much though, he might keep giving them to him later.

"So, who are the adult males in her life?" Rollins piped up.

"Well, the grandmother doesn't date, and she swears that no other men have access to the apartment," Olivia answered.

"Relatives?"

"Ella's father's estranged. So it's minimal contact," Nick told her.

"Even so. Fin, Rollins, go talk to Ella's father. Benson, Amaro, go to Blessed Savior. If Ella has a secret maybe she confessed to her friends."

As Cragen left his detectives to their work he couldn't help thinking that maybe they wouldn't have major unneeded problems involving his people on this case. Sure Olivia was still leaning more toward the cold shoulder than anything else, but she'd apparently put aside some of her hostility to contribute to their discussion of the case. One step forward was better than none.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

Oh, but they had plenty of problems, or more realistically headaches, with this case that didn't involve his people. Andrew Raines. Just hearing the name made treading carefully a requirement.

"Ambassador Andrew Raines sent Ella Mendez roses," Cragen said as he turned to his gathered detectives to confirm.

"Eight weeks ago. Right after she got pregnant," Olivia confirmed.

"Billed to his account. Florist didn't want to give him up," Nick added, offering the proof they had found.

"The New York royal family strikes again," Fin mused.

"Oh, come on. He's about to announce for his father's old senate seat," Cragen explained, not wanting to jump to conclusions with the information his people had uncovered. "Do you really think he's having sex with a thirteen year old from Washington Heights?"

They'd all seen some crazy things, but Cragen wasn't sure this one was realistic.

"You're right, Captain," John began. "It doesn't have to be him. Could be a brother, a cousin, a nephew."

"Alright, that's enough. If you haven't been paying attention it's been a bad couple of months for NYPD and the DA's office. This is a very sophisticated family with unlimited resources. So be thorough, but be discreet."

He lifted his hands up and looked at all of them in silent question. Okay? Could they handle that? From the looks he received in return they could.

Good. They did not need to start another shit storm if they could help it.

And shit storm he got, only from an unexpected angle. Casey Novak walked into his office only a few hours later and closed the door behind her. Cragen could read the hesitation in her silence and downcast eyes. The fact that she had come into his office at all meant whatever her concern, it was big enough to warrant discussion.

"What's going on, Counselor?"

"Off the record?"

Cragen lifted his eyebrows in surprise but then nodded. This conversation would stay between the two of them.

"You know I'm not one to squeal on someone else, especially when I know them and they haven't really crossed the line," Casey told Cragen. She took a moment to glance down at her clenched hands before lifting her head to meet his gaze again and continued. "But I have to ask. Do you know where Liv's head is right now?"

Cragen closed his eyes for the briefest moment as he looked down. This conversation just _had_ to be about Olivia Benson.

"Divided," he answered.

Casey nodded, sensing how diplomatic the answer was meant to be. She'd been intending on voicing her concerns about Olivia's blossoming anger, especially the outburst she'd had against Casey's office a short time ago, but instead she chose against it. Cragen already knew Olivia was off her game. Instead of taking her original route, Casey went with a different one that would still share her concerns with the captain.

"Is Amaro really her partner or her student?"

The question caused Cragen's brow to furrow, the lines deep enough to run a respectable river through.

"Her partner."

"Does she know that? Because she certainly doesn't act like that's the case. Is she really that far in denial still?"

"Yes, she knows."

Sometimes he wondered though. Olivia's behavior had become somewhat unpredictable of late. Cragen would describe it as a pendulum except it wasn't anywhere near that consistent. Her fluctuating attitude was more like the weather in Ohio. It could turn on a dime without the least bit of warning. Even so, he knew without a doubt that she didn't think Elliot would return. That fact was as clear as a sparkling plate glass window to her. The problem simply came in how she was going to deal with the view on the other side of that window, the view she was living now.

"She's not in denial, Casey, but she is having trouble with acceptance."

Casey gave him a curt nod of understanding before heading toward the door. As she went she said one last thing.

"Let's hope she gets there fast." She turned and glanced back at Cragen as she held the door open. "We need the old Liv back."

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

"No sign of Tripp Raines," Fin said as he walked into the squad room to join the others. "Unmarked car sat in front of his townhouse all last night. He never came home."

Cragen frowned, his brow creasing as he did. The boy's sudden disappearance was a twist to the case he hadn't been expecting. At the moment he really wasn't sure what to think of it.

"But the family hasn't reported him missing. What about the other residences?"

It was completely possible that Tripp's parents were hiding him. They certainly had the means to do it.

"Well, there's been police presence at their homes in Aspen, Martha's Vineyard, East Hampton. So far he hasn't showed," Rollins replied.

Before they could consider any other options about the boy's disappearance Casey walked in looking none too happy.

"I just got a call from the Raines' family lawyer. He's worried I'm about to indict Tripp."

"And that leverage upsets you, Counselor?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah."

The tension between the two stood out so greatly that Cragen wouldn't have been surprised if, had the scene been in a children's animation, they'd both suddenly go for each other's throats or put on military gear and start shooting. At the moment he had bigger problems though. Like the fact that a child, more importantly a suspect, was missing. Based on Casey's last statement, it was possible that he wasn't missing, only relocated.

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Back up. Does this mean his folks know where Tripp is?"

"What are you talking about?" Casey asked, looking genuinely confused.

"Kid's been AWOL since yesterday," Fin informed her.

"The lawyer didn't say anything about Tripp being gone."

"Cause the family's trying to buy time," Nick guessed.

A moment later the entire cluster just got worse. Or at least more confusing. Kathleen Raines walked in alone. No husband, no army of lawyers, just her looking worried.

Cragen led her, Benson, and Amaro back into his office.

"Thank you for coming in, Mrs. Raines," he told her once they were all seated.

"Something has happened to my son. I don't know where he is, and neither does our alleged security."

"Is it possible your husband does?" Nick asked.

"No. Andrew and I don't have any secrets. This situation with the girl is…" Mrs. Raines hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I know that you think Tripp is to blame. It's really hard on him growing up in the spotlight, but he's not a bad kid."

"When is the last time anyone heard from your son?" Olivia questioned.

"After school. Um, Briggs brought him to his 4 o'clock fencing lesson, and he told Briggs that he was going to walk back. He's thirteen. He's out there all alone."

"We're going to find your son, Mrs. Raines," Cragen assured.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

By the time they had someone in their interrogation room Cragen wasn't completely sure they'd be finding Tripp alive. Credit cards didn't usually get dropped in Central Park. It was far more likely that Tripp had been killed and someone had dumped the cards.

"He's got plenty of ways of making money without having to roll a kid," John said as Fin and Rollins were leading their thief out of the interrogation room.

"If he knew how hot the card was he wouldn't open a bar tab," Nick added.

"Okay, say he is an opportunist. That means anyone could have gotten to Tripp first," Olivia replied.

"In the Ramble? That place is a labyrinth. You'd need an army to go in there and find him," John mused.

"Then get one," Cragen told him. "Have the Central Park sergeant call in a level one mobilization. I want aviation, canine, divers in the lake."

If he was out there, they were going to find this kid.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

They did find him, only now they had to find someone else as well. His killer. Like the Ramble, this case was a maze. Each time they turned what they thought was the final turn, they found three more paths waiting to confuse them. Regardless they'd continue with their shovels and flashlights and keep digging. Eventually they'd hit bottom.

"We did some digging at INS, Captain," Rollins explained as they gathered to discuss Andrew Raines' reason for firing his housekeeper. "Inez Rivera, she's been a naturalized citizen for over fifteen years."

"So Raines was lying."

"Not about the settlement," Fin corrected. "Six months ago he wired a quarter of a mil into her savings account."

"Well, that's a healthy severance."

"Ah, there's more," Olivia cut in. "It turns out that her co-op was purchased for her last March, all cash. I traced it back to another Raines' family trust."

"People like Raines forget the help's even around," Fin put in. "Maybe Inez stumbled onto something he didn't want to get out."

"She doesn't strike me as a blackmailer. She seemed genuinely concerned for the family," Olivia shared.

"Well, but she's a single mom. She cares for her son more," Nick said.

Both points made sense to Cragen, but they had nothing strong enough to prove or disprove the idea of blackmail. They needed more.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. She wasn't always a single mom. On the kid's birth certificate she lists a husband, Ricaro Rivera, as the father," John told them.

Cragen moved to Munch's side to peer over his shoulder at the computer screen. There had been more twists and turns, but they seemed to be getting somewhere.

"Well, what happened to him?"

"Well let's find out." Munch clicked around a bit before bringing up a new legal document. "They got divorced five years ago, and on the divorce certificate they both state that they had no children together."

"Wait, so he was Arturo's dad when he was born, but eight years later they both say that the kid's not his," Rollins stated, trying to check the facts.

"Well, that's a good reason to get divorced, and for Arturo to be angry," Nick added in.

"The settlement," Olivia said as she stood from her desk and walked over to join them. "It's not severance. It's child support."

That sudden revelation silenced the entire room. All of them, Cragen included, needed time to process that one. As much of a bomb as it was, Olivia's deduction made sense. Cragen glanced up at all of them and nodded.

"Bring them in. Let's see what we can get."

And the truth did come out. Benson and Amaro revealed it in interrogation easily, if it could have even been called interrogation. Both of his people had handled it well, making the truth telling more of a discussion. After the details were set and final decisions were made about the case, Cragen had a moment to speak to both of his detectives. He pulled both Benson and Amaro to the side before they left.

"Both of you, good work on that."

His eyes met Nick's first and then Olivia's. She returned his gaze with almost no expression, but there was a tiny nod of recognition and, perhaps, thanks. Something was on her mind, but whatever it was she didn't share it with him. Typical Olivia Benson.


	5. Chapter 5 Double Strands

Chapter Five – Double Strands

**Late September**

As the week went by Olivia's bouts of anger were all but non-existent. Compared to the way she'd been treating Nick Amaro before, her actions now were downright friendly. While she still seemed to prefer to do things on her own, there was now a willing civility between her and the new detectives. Cragen had continued to rotate partners and was actually hopeful that he'd find a comfortable spot for Olivia.

When the call of an evening rape had come in Cragen had felt no trepidation when calling Olivia in. She'd proven his gut right and had been responsive, even when he'd informed her that Rollins would meet her on scene.

The next morning Cragen wondered what the hell had happened because something had obviously gone wrong. Olivia had walked in looking like she had a rock in her shoe that she couldn't get out. When he'd asked her if something was up all he'd gotten was, "No, everything's fine," before she'd disappeared out of the room to check on forensics and their victim.

It wasn't until Rollins started sharing information on the case that he managed to connect the dots. Her belief that this case was connected to a serial she'd had in Georgia was strong. Knowing what he did about her personality, Amanda had probably pounced on the similarity and maybe even their victim. There was no doubt in Cragen's mind that that would have pissed Olivia off. Not only would she have been irritated with the sudden jumping to conclusions that seemed farfetched, but the fact that a younger detective was pushing her way in and challenging Olivia's authority was worse. While he doubted Rollins had meant that, Olivia would have taken it that way. So far she hadn't responded and shown her displeasure about what had happened, but Cragen knew she probably would. The only question was how.

The how was answered plainly enough when she returned.

"Danielle Heinz did the perfect thing. She pulled out her attacker's hair, kept it, roots and all."

"Did you get a sketch?" John asked.

"Um, Captain, I hope you don't mind. I brought in Fujita."

And there she was going her own way again. This was likely one of the ripples Rollins had started last night.

"Who's that?" Rollins questioned.

"Freelance. Best sketch artist in the city."

"Fujita takes hours. He's exorbitant," Munch protested.

"Well, these aren't going to catch anyone," Olivia answered as she pointed at the wanted posters Rollins had tacked to their case board. "These will."

Cragen watched as Olivia tacked the new sketches over the old ones. It was another subtle snub at Rollins in Cragen's opinion, but the other detective didn't seem to notice. She was far too drilled in on the similarities between cases to care about much else.

"There's his tattoo," Rollins pointed out as she looked at the sketch.

"Well, let's get this out. Call One PP. We've got a serial rapist on our hands," Fin stated.

That was the second time this morning Fin had stood up for Rollins. He was pleased to see that bond forming and that Fin had stepped up to the plate as mentor. Unfortunately, he could see a possible ending too, and it wasn't a pretty one. While Cragen didn't want Fin to stop guiding and working with Amanda, they needed to be careful. If he continued to be openly supportive of Amanda and the right switch was flipped when Olivia noticed there could be a major problem. Fin wouldn't go at Olivia lightly if she tore into him. He'd give it to her straight. Olivia wouldn't back down after that either. Instead of helping, Fin getting in her face would light a fire under Olivia. She'd be on him like a spark on dry kindling, and Fin's likely heated response to her anger would only throw gasoline on the fire, lighting Olivia up more. For now though he could prevent two fires, Olivia and the public, with one bucket of water.

"Whoa, whoa. Let's just hold on here," Cragen began, trying to calm this situation down. Now was time for slow and steady, not sprinting. "No need to cause a panic. Let's go with what we know. Put it out, but just link him to last night's attack. We keep the rest in our pocket for now."

The phone call confirming that the bulletin had gone up came in a short time later.

_"We have lift off. The sketch is up,"_ Fin informed him.

They didn't waste any more time talking. Before calls started coming in, the phone bank workers would need to be set up and prepped. Someone would also need to be placed in charge of coordinating everything that came in, and Cragen knew the perfect person for the job. About fifteen minutes later he managed to corner said person.

"Sergeant Munch, just the person I needed."

John cast a raised eyebrow look over his glasses at Fin in a "See?" look. Fin just smirked.

"Someone with rank needs to be in charge of the calls. That's all yours."

"Of course, Captain. I'd love to get my weekly dose of crazy in in one day."

"I knew you would, John."

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

Only a little while later and they had another victim and a suspect in custody. They even had a positive lineup identification. When the lineup had finished he turned to the defense attorney, Sherri West, and motioned her to follow him into his office with his finger. Benson, Rollins, and Amaro followed her in.

"We're all friends here so let's just cut to the chase," he told her.

"Look, I may be new to defense, but even a paralegal knows not to let a client talk to cops."

"So why are we here, Councilor?" Olivia asked.

"You got the wrong guy."

"Gee, never heard that before," Rollins muttered.

"Cut me a break. Did you see him in there?" Sherri asked.

"I saw the lineup," Olivia responded. "Those women didn't hesitate."

"Yeah, and you know how reliable eye witnesses are. Gabriel's a straight arrow. He's got a family, a job…"

"That was my take on him," Amaro agreed. "So let us get his side."

Cragen was already starting to pick out the differing opinions his detectives had of their suspect. It wasn't uncommon to have detectives disagree on what they believed happened and who was in the wrong, and Cragen wasn't worried this time either. They were still in the beginning of the investigation. Right now, the facts could end up going either way.

"I'd love to take the confession," Rollins stated, no doubt at all in her mind that this was her guy.

Both Amaro and Olivia shot her a surprised look that Cragen didn't miss. Olivia's face plainly said she thought Rollins was out of bounds. Cragen had a feeling Nick felt the same way, but he wasn't willing to make his disdain as obvious as Olivia was.

"Look, if you go in there with your mind already made up I will advise him to shut up," Sherri warned.

Amanda's smirk in response was indication enough to Cragen that it was time for him to step in. He moved to stand in front of Sherri so he could talk specifically to her.

"Could we have the room for a second? Thank you."

Once Sherri had left and he'd closed the door Rollins started right in.

"It's him. He fits the profile to a tee."

"Do you hear yourself, Rollins?" Nick asked. "Look, we need to go in there looking for reasons to exclude him, not to find him guilty."

"He _is_ guilty. I mean, what are we waiting on?"

"How about the DNA? And how about the fingerprint on that screwdriver? We still don't know who that belongs to."

"Okay, alright, so while we're waiting for that why don't you let me take my shot."

That was definitely not going to happen. Olivia's quiet looks of disbelief and disgust were actually warranted this time. Cragen agreed with her. Rollins' mind was on a one way track going full speed ahead. She wasn't thinking rationally. Hell, she was barely thinking like a detective. Someone in that frame of mind didn't belong in an interrogation room, especially when it could put an innocent man behind bars. Even beyond that, if they went into this interrogation pushing guilt, the discussion would end before it even started. They absolutely needed to talk to Gabriel.

"You hold on," Cragen told her sharply. "Benson, Amaro. You take the lead. Rollins, you watch with me."

He led her toward the interview window. As they watched the two detectives grill their suspect, Cragen kept half an eye on Amanda. Her eyes never left him once, and he caught her leaning forward in anticipation of some of his answers. At his sudden outburst of anger a smile of satisfaction flickered across her face. It seemed that the detective he would have to watch out for and keep in line on this case wasn't Benson. She was doing fine, even up to her usual standard. It was Rollins he was questioning more and more this time.

"Nice work," Rollins told Benson and Amaro coolly as they emerged from the interrogation room. "Y'all put him in every state a rape was reported."

"Nah, we didn't do anything. He put himself there," Nick answered.

"We gave him every opportunity to exclude himself. He couldn't," Olivia added with a shrug.

"He's supposed to be obsessed with blondes?" Nick asked. "He's barely even noticed you, Rollins."

"He likes submissives," she replied with a shrug. "We got him. This is our guy."

"Alright, look, look. He volunteered his work records, connect the dots," Cragen told them both.

That would give them a better idea if Rollins was simply being overzealous with blinders on or if they were really heading down the right track.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

By the next day the information had been gathered and compiled. Cragen, his detectives, and Casey had congregated by the media set up to go over everything they'd found. Considering Rollins didn't appear put out or irritated and Benson didn't seem annoyed or confused he assumed that what they had found only provided more evidence that they had the right guy. When everyone had gathered Rollins began, clicking the remote to bring up colored dots on their electronic map.

"So the red lights are attacks. These blue lights here, they indicate Gabriel Thomas' homes over the same period. Anyone got the odds on that?"

"Well, there's more," Benson added. "In 2002 he was transferred to Maryland. The next year he struck three times in Gathersburg. South Carolina, Virginia, Georgia. Same pattern."

"And no rapes in the three years he was in Switzerland," Casey stated in hopes of confirmation.

Rollins was all too willing to give it to her.

"Right. Coinciding with the gap in the spree."

"Switzerland. There's a lot of blondes there," John added. "Any crimes fit his MO during that period?"

"We've got a wire out to Interpol. Don't hold your breath," Cragen answered.

"Anyway," Rollins continued, "but he repatriates June first to New York, and there's two rapes in three months."

"Did you guys get anything off the warrant?" Casey asked.

"No. CSU picked up a screwdriver and a knife in his bike bag. Again fitting his MO."

"And matching the contents of every cyclist's bike bag," Amaro explained.

While Rollins was more in control and less gung ho about this guy today, Cragen knew she was still confident it was him. Personally he thought the pieces fit too. Amaro was a different story. He seemed just as adamant that they had the wrong guy.

"Look, I get it," Amaro continued. "His life dove tails with the rapist, but… does anyone think it's weird he just offered all that up?"

"Is he always like this?" Casey asked Cragen softly.

She did have a point. Amaro was acting more like he was playing for the defense at the moment and not the prosecution. Apparently it was going to be one detective after another causing issues, and it was Nick's turn at the plate. Before he could come up with an answer for Casey, Olivia's cell rang.

"Well, listen to this," Olivia announced as she read over the message on her phone. "The lab report: Gabriel Thomas is a DNA match for the first four victims and Danielle Heinz."

"Checkmate. Book him," Casey replied happily. "I wish they were all this easy."

Casey seemed sure, but Cragen had lingering doubts. Unfortunately he couldn't put his finger on what they were. Likely just doubts about this people and not the case itself. At least he was damn well hoping that was all it was since he couldn't see how any new piece of evidence could possibly change the case. It appeared solid. Hell, it appeared almost as impenetrable as bulletproof glass compared to many of their other cases. No, everything with the case was fine. He didn't need to be trying to open up cracks that didn't exist.

"I'm gonna call my captain in Atlanta. Tell him the good news," Rollins said, nearly grinning from ear to ear.

As she was walking off to do just that, Cragen called her back. She paused and glanced at him.

"Yeah?"

"Nice job."

And she deserved it too. Case closed.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

The next day, after their perp's attempted suicide and Amaro's questioning of the evidence, Cragen was 100% done with this case. It was just too bad the case wasn't done with him. Olivia had just finished sharing the discussion she and Nick had had with Gabriel Thomas' wife. It seemed like the lid on this closed case wasn't sitting evenly. When Cragen spotted Nick walking past his office door he knocked on the glass to catch his detective's attention and motioned him in.

"Olivia says you have something, Amaro?"

"Maybe. The victim's report from Halloween night 2003. She states her rapist had a chipped tooth and a long abdominal scar. Gabriel Thomas has perfect teeth, no scar."

"Victim also describes a yin yang tattoo which Gabriel does have. Scars get removed, teeth fixed," Cragen responded, not seeing how this was causing so much doubt in Nick's mind. The fact that Olivia was actually taking him seriously too meant this was worth considering, but he didn't see why yet.

"Except that night Gabriel was a hundred miles away at Johns Hopkins. His wife miscarried." Amaro held out a set of file folders. "Two sworn affidavits, one from a doctor, one from Gabriel's mother in law. Both claim he never left Janey's bedside the entire night."

"Doctor wasn't there 24/7 and mother in laws have been known to lie," Cragen countered.

"This one never liked him," Olivia explained.

"Someone could have planted his DNA."

"Really, and just stopped after the fourth time?" Cragen asked just a touch sarcastically.

He stood up, looking closely at the two of them. What they were pushing didn't seem realistic to him, but the possibility was still there. Usually that wouldn't be enough for Cragen to have his people dig further. Olivia and Nick were so sure that there was something else to this case though. It wouldn't hurt to look a little bit deeper.

"What do we know about the family?"

"Let's ask him," Amaro answered before both he and Olivia turned to leave for the hospital to do just that.

Before they could even exit his office Rollins stopped them, looking like she'd realized she'd just been cut out of the loop. If she found out what was really going on it would turn his whole squad against each other, and that was the last thing he needed. Even if Rollins did take this new twist okay (which he was pretty sure wouldn't happen) explaining it to her while Benson and Amaro waited would take too long. With Gabriel already booked their window of time to confirm or deny his guilt was narrow. Plus, Amanda would likely insist on going, and her mind, as she'd proven clearly from the beginning, was set on his guilt.

"What's goin' on?" Rollins asked.

Olivia glanced back at him, unsure what to say. Cragen figured she too had reservations about revealing that they were questioning if they had the right guy. She would quite happily defer that question over to him. Great. Immediately he started racking his brain for what to tell Rollins. For now just holding off the argument and letting Benson and Amaro get out would have to be good enough. He could figure out how much and what to say as he went after the other two were gone.

"Uh, Benson and Amaro are dotting some Is. I'll fill you in."

The look Amanda gave him as they walked out revealed that she thought secrets were being kept and he wasn't being completely truthful. This could wind up being a lovely talk. She dropped into the chair across from him and sat waiting as the other two slipped out the door.

"Something's come up with the case."

"We got the right guy, Captain," Rollins insisted.

"Everything we have says we did, but Amaro found something that may not jive. So far I don't see a reason to think Gabriel Thomas isn't our perp, but I'd like this possible loophole closed before we put the case away. Shouldn't take long."

Surprisingly enough Rollins took the answer rather well, or perhaps that was just thanks to the way he'd spun it. She nodded and stood.

"Okay, but I'm telling you, Captain, everything fits."

"We'll find out soon enough," Cragen confirmed as she left.

By the next day they had their answer, and it wasn't the one any of them were expecting. Gabriel Thomas had a twin (and who ever really expected the whole "evil twin" scenario to actually play out?). A twin that, they were coming to think, had set him up for rape. So far it was just a theory, but if there was a chance it was more, they would find out.

"1992, Richmond. Catherine Smith gets the death penalty for murdering her husband," Olivia read to the gathered group before Nick picked up after her.

"The jury watched in horror as their teenage son, Brian, gave chilling testimony about the brutal murder."

"So we're looking for a Brian Smith," Cragen stated.

"I'm already on it," Fin answered as he started pulling up the search on his computer.

"Yeah, well, good luck with that. What is there? Ten thousand people named Brian Smith in the United States?" Munch bemoaned in his usual cynical tone.

"How many of them follow their twin to New York?" Olivia asked, not put off by Munch's pessimism.

"There are 120 Brian Smiths in New York City," Fin reported.

"But they're twins, guys," Rollins said as she glanced at the list. "Let's look at their birthdates."

"Okay, February 6, 1975," Fin responded as he punched it into their search parameters.

Cragen's eyes flickered from one detective to the next, all of them intent and focused on what Fin was doing. He barely managed to prevent a smile from showing on his face, though it was glowing on the inside. It had been a really long time since all of his detectives had worked together so fluently like this. Looking at them now, he wouldn't have guessed they were a newly formed group struggling with finding their niche with each other. Pulling his eyes away from his people and focusing them back up onto the screen, Cragen and the others all watched as only one name appeared that fit their new criteria. Fin began to read the information they had on him.

"Brian Smith started as a provisional for the Parks Department July this year."

One more click of a button brought up Brian Smith's ID card. An ID card with a picture that looked exactly like Gabriel Thomas.

"Son of a bitch," Rollins said.

"Let's go pick him up," Nick added.

If only it could be that easy. This new lead that was now proven to be valid was going to cause major problems for their case almost regardless of who they indicted. The case wasn't done playing games with them yet.

"Hold on. Let's bring the DA up to speed. There are some issues here," Cragen cautioned.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

"You have got to be kidding me!" Casey exclaimed once Rollins and Amaro explained the situation.

Cragen couldn't really say that he blamed her. They'd all been so sure before. Sure enough that they'd already indicted and arraigned one man. Complications were not what anyone wanted at this point, especially one as bad as this.

"This is still a win. Same DNA. Same ID," Amanda insisted.

"For two different suspects, right? Who are twins. This is the definition of reasonable doubt! Why didn't Gabriel bring this up?"

"He didn't know."

"It's been Brian's plan from the start," Cragen filled in. "He tracked Gabriel city to city. He knew if he ever got caught he could put it on his twin."

"Well, it is a very good plan because there's no way a jury can tell them apart," Casey replied.

"Well how about if we caught Brian in the act?" Cragen asked.

He'd known this case was very screwed the moment they'd identified Brian. Unlike Rollins and Amaro, he'd fully expected Casey's reaction too. Almost immediately he'd started brainstorming to try to come up with a plan that could get them the evidence needed for a conviction. Too bad the plan wasn't fully formulated yet.

"How are you going to do that, Captain?"

"This guy, he has self-control. He won't strike while his brother's in prison," Nick told them as Cragen paced across the room in thought.

"What if we let him think Gabriel's out?" Cragen suggested.

"And terrorize the whole city?" Casey asked.

"We set a trap," Rollins responded.

Cragen's lips almost twitched into a smile when he realized what Amanda was suggesting. It could very well work as long as Amanda kept control of herself and followed protocol. She'd demonstrated that she could in the last few days. Hopefully that wouldn't disappear when she finally saw him face to face. As much of a risk as that was, it was one they would have to take to catch this guy. He turned his eyes toward her and felt everyone else's there too.

"He does like blondes."

By the time the trap had been sprung and their suspect brought in, Cragen had learned quite a bit about his two new detectives. As he'd figured, Rollins had been a bit over zealous and she'd taken risks he would have preferred she hadn't. Even so, they'd been calculated and she hadn't strayed too far. Amaro had revealed something about himself too. His anger control was shaky, and that was something Cragen would have to keep a very close eye on. Of course with his previous experience with Stabler that shouldn't be much of a problem.

When they were getting ready to interrogate Brian, Rollins cornered him. He had a feeling he already knew what she wanted, and it was never going to happen.

"I know this guy better than anybody. I know what makes him tick, Captain."

"Just save it. Right now we've only got him on one charge: his attack on you."

"And that makes you a witness," Casey pointed out firmly as they walked by her.

"Whoa, hold on guys. This is her collar," Olivia countered.

Cragen was only slightly surprised by the fact that Benson was standing up for Rollins. The two weren't exactly buddy-buddy, but they'd gotten a little closer in this case since Rollins had been right and Olivia had become more accepting. In all reality, he should have seen this coming. Olivia had used the same argument to get herself into an interrogation room more than once before. She believed that she deserved to see a case she'd started all the way through regardless of the danger to herself or the case. Her belief would apply to anyone else too.

"No, he attacked Rollins," Casey corrected. "She gets his confession to anything else the defense will get it thrown out on prejudice."

"I think I know how to conduct myself on the witness stand," Amanda argued, thinking that she was being treated like a child.

"You heard the counselor," Cragen warned, putting a stop to the argument right there.

That settled, they all turned to watch the interrogation through the one way.

"The second I got into that tunnel she came on to me," Brian explained to Munch and Fin.

"Then why'd you need the knife?" Munch asked.

"We caught you in the act. It's over, dude," Fin told him.

"Is that what you think?" Brian asked as calm as could be. Obviously he still didn't think he was going down for rape. "You don't know the half of it."

"So please, tell us, we're listening," Munch prompted.

"You want me to talk, I will talk. To her. The blonde."

"That's not gonna happen," Fin informed him.

"Oh. Okay then. Lawyer."

Well that ended that. Munch and Fin stood and came to join the others outside of the interrogation room. Cragen was silently steaming. His detectives had done nothing wrong, but that didn't mean the interrogation was any less over. Without a confession they only had Brian by a thread, and it was a thin one at that.

"He said the magic word," Fin said. "Got enough to get him without it?"

"The wire went in and out in the tunnel. Amaro may have used excessive force. Rollins ran out of his view," Casey answered by listing off everything that had gone wrong during their operation.

"It was the only way to try…" Rollins rationalized only to have Casey cut her off.

"The defense will paint this as two new detectives trying to make a name for themselves."

"And there's still a reasonable doubt on everything because of his twin," Cragen added.

"So if he doesn't talk to the blonde he walks?" Olivia confirmed.

Cragen got the message right away, and he figured Casey did too. They'd both prevented Rollins from going in, but now they may not have a choice in the matter if they wanted to put this guy away. Olivia seemed to think the decision was obvious, and Cragen couldn't help agreeing with her.

"Captain, we need a statement," Olivia pressed gently.

Rollins glanced at Olivia then turned her eyes to Cragen. He only needed a moment to make up his mind. Their case couldn't get much worse than it was right now. With a small, silent nod he gave her permission to go in. Rollins swept her hair back into a ponytail and headed into the interrogation room.

"Heard you wanted to see me."

"Oh, you look so much prettier when you smile," Brian told her.

"So do you. You know I've actually been, um, wanting to talk to you for a really long time."

"Wouldn't doubt it."

"I'm a southern girl. Worked sex crimes in Atlanta. I'm actually the one that named you."

Cragen waited patiently, his eyes glued to the ongoings in the interrogation room. So far she'd been doing well, but it looked like Brian was starting to clam up. The magic she was working would need to step up a notch if they wanted to get him. Rollins didn't disappoint.

"I've been obsessed with you a little bit to tell you the truth. I always thought I was your type."

"Mmhm. Down to a tee," Brian answered with a nod.

Rollins glanced back at the window, her expression demonstrating a silent question of "See? I told you," before she returned her full attention to their suspect.

"Hell of a ride. Brian, you were the best. I'll give you that."

Brian slapped his hands onto the table and shot to his feet.

"I am the best."

Yes, she was getting to him. There suddenly seemed to be a chance of closing this case again.

"You and me in the, in the park. That was another thing," Brian countered. "You were… ah, well, cute and bouncy. You teased me."

"Just like all the other girls."

"What other girls?"

Rollins stayed silent and watched him with furrowed eyebrows until Brian answered his own question.

"Oh. That was my brother. Yeah, it's the same DNA."

"So that was the plan all along. Just leave enough of your DNA so we can pin it on your brother, and you even made sure to get the tattoo just like him. It's genius."

"No, you said that. Not, not me!" Brian stated, pointing toward the window to make sure those watching knew.

"Couple of holes though."

"Hm?"

"Can you lift up your shirt?"

Good work, Rollins. Pointing out the few differences between the brothers could easily make it appear that they had enough to put Brian away for the crimes even with his twin. Reasonable deception had cracked quite a few cases. There was the chance that it could now too if Rollins could push Brian with enough differences to unbalance him. If Cragen had to pick one of his detectives who knew this case backwards, forward, and diagonally it would be Rollins. Her knowledge was going to really help her now. She could do this.

"What?" Brian asked in confusion.

"Lift up your shirt for me, baby. I want to show you somethin'."

"Hey, it's your party," Brian answered before he did as she'd asked, revealing the abdominal scar.

"See, that's some scar. Your twin brother doesn't have that scar. Doesn't have a chipped tooth either. We have victims that saw both."

"Is that the best you got? It was dark. Witnesses make mistakes all the time. You know that," Brian pressed like he thought she was being silly.

Rollins wasn't done though. She leaned in close before throwing the next thing at him.

"What about that Halloween rape? 2003. Did your brother do that one?"

"I, I don't know. He could, he could have."

"Did you know his wife had a miscarriage that weekend? Doctors and nurses all claim that he never left her side."

"There's always a back door."

"He was a hundred miles away, Brian,"

They stared at each other for a moment as the realization that he could be in trouble started to sink in. Rollins took control.

"Sit down. You, you made another mistake. You lost a screwdriver that night in the dark. You left a fingerprint. It's sloppy work, you know, for you. That one… it's gonna cost you big time. Cause twins have the same DNA but different fingerprints. But you knew that. Right? I mean, that's why you started wearing gloves.

Brian, I know you had to teach yourself everything. Not your brother. Not Gabriel. Gabriel got to go to school. Got to go to college. He's got a great life. I mean, you've seen is wife, his cute son. You followed him all these years and you never, never said hello."

"You don't know anything about me," Brian laughed.

Only that denial was the last line of defense. Everyone watching knew that. The tides had changed and Rollins was in charge and playing it just right.

"Yeah? We met your mother, your real mother, at the halfway house. And she told us that you came and found her. You know what she said? "I gave him up once. You would'a think he'd take the hint the first time." And that must have hurt."

"She's a drunk whore. Who cares?"

"You do. Especially since you know what good care she took of your twin. She took such good care of your brother. She told us she made sure he found a good home. She made sure to send birthday cards."

"Nah, I had good parents."

"Your mother killed your father in front of you, Brian. That's horrible. Nobody should have to go through that."

"Nah, it didn't break me."

"No? I disagree. Your own mother gave you up. Your second mother, she's a nightmare. Brian, it's okay. I mean, anybody would be broken."

Still nothing. The way Rollins was working, Cragen figured she would have broken or at least made more headway with just about any other perp. This guy was staying locked up tight though. Even so, he couldn't give up on her or take his eyes away. She'd impressed him so far, and he didn't know the full extent of her abilities. There was a chance she could come up with more from her bag of tricks.

"No one's ever really listened to you, have they? I want to hear your whole story. Not just these… mistakes. Everything. I've got all night. I'm not leaving you. Look at me."

When he didn't listen she asked again, and this time he complied. With that the words started pouring out. Before long they had more than enough to convict Brian. When Rollins stepped out, Cragen sent Benson to tell Amaro he could release Gabriel. His eyes returned to Rollins who was still watching Brian through the one way glass. She was the one who broke the silence first.

"You know when I first got this case I never figured it would involve how many states and twins, you know? It was hard enough to find him without all of that."

"But you did, and it's over."

Rollins turned toward him and flashed him a warm smile.

"Yeah."

"You did good, Rollins. Real good. I'm glad to have you on board."


	6. Chapter 6 True Believers

_Author's Note: So I was really looking forward to this episode since it was the biggest indication that something was off with Olivia. This episode was really the reason why I'd wanted to write this story in the first place. Little did I realize, until I watched it again, that Cragen wasn't in it. Whoops. So I had to get a little bit creative. It doesn't showcase everything that happened quite as well as I would have liked, but I did the best I could with the fact that Cragen was going to have to learn of the events from the case second hand._

* * *

Chapter Six – True Believers

**October**

For the first time since the changes to the squad Cragen didn't feel like he needed to worry about any of his detectives. Ever since their last big case they'd all fallen into a rhythm. The new dynamic of the squad room was working out with discipline problems down and case closure up. With how well things were going and the weight that had lifted off his heart he hadn't noticed the subtle changes in one of his people. It wasn't until a few days later that he realized something was up.

He'd been sitting at his desk working with the door open while his people did their own work. Considering they had a relatively light case load, at least based on what they usually had, most of them were probably doing paperwork. Whenever they were all focused on paperwork or doing computer based investigation the bullpen was either silent or rowdy. Apparently boredom was rather prevalent because Cragen hadn't heard much silence yet. For the most part he'd tuned them out since they were still getting work done. Light hearted banter was all too common, and many times it was something that helped them all deal with what they saw every day. It wasn't until John's voice rang out in his usual "someone is out to get us and you don't realize it yet" tone that Cragen took a little more notice.

"Sooner or later we won't even need bugs. I'm telling you, one day they'll have a way to regulate everything you say."

"What the hell you talkin' 'bout?" Fin demanded.

The question had caught more than just Cragen's attention. Nick was watching Munch closely, visibly confused. Amanda didn't look like she had any better idea of what was going on than Nick. Her gaze kept shifting from Fin to Munch and back again. Even Olivia's attention had been captured by the commotion, though she was watching them all with a blank look instead of one of curiosity or confusion. She seemed to be listening to what he had said, but the interest in where this was going wasn't as strong.

"Just think about it," John continued. "It's the ultimate control. Every conversation, even spoken ones, will be monitored 24/7. Say something the guys upstairs don't like and suddenly you can't speak."

Nick and Amanda gaped at Munch like they had just seen a flying purple giraffe wearing a bowtie. They weren't fully used to John yet (if you could ever actually get used to him), so it wasn't surprising. Olivia and Fin had dealt with him for years now and had learned to simply expect this from their coworker. Though they'd never heard this exact conspiracy, they'd heard similar ones multiple times over the years. Being John's partner for so long, Fin knew exactly how to deal with him.

"They better hurry it up," Fin grumbled.

"You want your freedom of speech removed?"

"No, I want a way to get you to shut the hell up."

Cragen heard the quiet snort and watched Rollins subtly slip a hand over her mouth in an effort not to laugh outright. Considering he couldn't hold back a smile, Cragen didn't blame her for laughing. Nick was simply shaking his head with a wild grin on his face. How could any of them not get a good laugh out of that one?

As his gaze shifted to Olivia his own smile faltered a little bit. Instead of the huge grin that graced everyone else's faces, only a ghost of a smile could be seen on hers. It was at that moment that Cragen tried to think back upon the last few days. When was the last time he'd really seen Olivia smile? Sure, in their line of work nobody smiled that much, but there were still good moments. Down time could bring about laughter. Winning a case could carry with it a sense of pride and relief. Seeing a victim's strength brought a feeling of warmth. Tearing down a perp in interrogation could cause smiles of victory. All of those things were worth smiling and feeling good about. Even with all of those opportunities, Cragen honestly didn't think he'd seen a real smile from Olivia in the last week. What she had just shown was about the best they'd gotten, and it had barely been worth calling a smile. Not a good sign. Not a good sign at all. As the others continued to joke around and tease Munch a bit, Cragen made a mental note to watch Olivia's behavior in the squad room a little more closely from now on.

Now that he'd seen an indication that all wasn't right with Olivia, Cragen's gut was speaking up loud and clear. It felt like a handful of rocks had just crash landed in his stomach and were making waves, giving him an incredibly bad feeling. He needed to know the extent of what was going on in Olivia's head.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

Cragen knew the signs. After so many years on the job he'd seen it many times. Fellow commanders, detectives, even some of his own people. Eventually everyone on the force decided they were done, but sometimes the exhaustion, the jadedness, became obvious when they were still working. It was never pleasant to watch, especially when the weight of that showed up on someone he cared about. The sagging shoulders, pale cast to her face, and the dull look in her eyes were obvious enough. Add that to her behavior at work, the lack of initiative, general silence, staring around the room, and an overall lack of energy only proved that Olivia could very well be done. That type of exhaustion and bitterness about the job was a clear indication it was time to move on.

To think that this apathy had crept into Olivia almost pained him. Sure, he'd seen her start to deteriorate in the last few months, but recently she'd seemed more herself. Not that it had lasted long.

His eyes settled on Olivia through the window of his office. She had a pen in her hand, but she wasn't even looking at her desk. Instead her head was turned, her eyes focused on the young cops walking through the squad room. When she turned back to her desk a few minutes later the weight of the world seemed to be on her. Her shoulders were slumped over, head drooping minutely. She was just so tired. Cragen could see it, and he didn't think he was the only one. With the amount of time she'd spent staring across the squad room and her despondent behavior after, Cragen couldn't help wishing he knew what she'd been thinking, what turmoil had been roiling through her head. Maybe if he did he'd be able to help her. Unfortunately, he knew she would never share with him even if he did press her. She'd handle all of this on her own whether she could manage it or not.

So far her work hadn't been seriously compromised, but he would have to keep an eye on her. She was already teetering on the edge, perhaps even holding on by a finger. Hopefully it wasn't as serious as he thought. It was possible something outside of work was wearing her down instead of the job itself. Only time would tell.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

"Liv, you're up."

Cragen's head came up at the sound of John's voice, and he turned his eyes toward the squad room. John was standing beside a young girl who was shifting nervously, eyes downcast. Obviously she was uneasy about being there, and Cragen had no doubt she was a victim preparing to file a report. Considering Olivia was the one catching that day it only made more sense. His eyes swiveled to Olivia, and he watched her stand and motion their victim over. They talked for a moment as Olivia led the girl back to an interview room, but Cragen couldn't hear what they were saying. Likely just reassurances.

Once more he turned back to his work, though rather reluctantly. John would be supervising this one. Cragen would rather not have to go to what was sure to be a fun filled meeting with the brass and captains of other units even if staying meant seeing more signs of Olivia's destruction. Unfortunately he didn't have a choice in the matter. About all he could do was stop by to check in when he could, and he was intending on making that as often as possible.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

Cragen dropped two files down onto his desk that evening before shuffling around in his drawers for what he was going to need tomorrow. It would be far easier to gather everything together tonight so he could head straight to One PP the next morning.

"Hey, Cap. Have a fun day?" Munch asked as he made his way in.

"Oh yeah. Can't wait to go back tomorrow." He found the paperwork he needed, set it on top of his files, and turned to face Munch. "What are you doing here so late?"

"Just waiting for a report and finishing up a few things. Fin and Amaro should be moseying in soon."

"This late? New case?"

"Yeah, and it's a doozy. No forensic evidence really, and honestly, very little evidence at all that a rape actually occurred."

"Stranger?

"Yup."

Cragen sighed and shook his head. It was one of those cases. They were hard to deal with whether they went cold or not. There simply wasn't enough to go on to catch an unknown assailant. Even if they did have a name, getting enough evidence to make the charge stick beyond a "he said, she said" case could be near impossible.

"Good luck catching the guy."

"Actually, we've got him already," John shared. "That's why Fin and Amaro are on their way back. They're bringing him in."

Cragen's eyebrows lifted in surprise. That had been fast work and was rather impressive. They almost never identified a perp that fast.

"Maybe I should put you in charge more often," Cragen teased.

The teasing quickly subsided when John didn't come back with some smart ass reply. Instead there was a slight frown on his face, which didn't bode well.

"I wish it was that easy. I've just got a bad feeling about this one, Cap. Liv said the guy ran. She and Amaro chased him into his apartment. Stuff went down."

"You think it was bad?"

Sure, Olivia had been off, but a bad arrest? He couldn't see that.

"Nah, but she said it got hotter than normal. With the lack of hard evidence there could be wiggle room."

"Get it fleshed out then. The ADA, even Cutter if you have to."

"Sure, Cap. I got it covered. You just enjoy your meeting."

Cragen managed to cover a snort at that and just nodded before gathering his things so he was ready to leave again.

"Keep me updated."

"You bet."

Little did either of them know that any minor questions or uncertainties were going to become C4 and blow massive holes in their case thanks to Bayard Ellis. If, of course, it didn't blow the case into complete smithereens instead.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

"Why is it that whenever you're not around the case we're working turns into a massive mess that gets me in trouble?" John asked Cragen.

"I'm sure the universe isn't conspiring against you, John."

John gave Cragen a hard, knowing look.

"Not the universe, just the department, though I'm sure the universe is in on it in some small way."

It had only been a few days, yet already the worries Munch had shared about the case had proven correct. Obviously something had happened to send the entire mess downhill. Considering the acidic look on John's face Cragen had to wonder what all had gone wrong and how big of a hole they'd been dug into. The unit had seen some of their cases get buried before and had somehow managed to claw their way out and to a victory. It was always hard work and sometimes not even doable, though none of them ever wanted to admit that. The only way to decide if this case could be salvaged was by finding out what had gone wrong.

"What happened?"

Munch threw his hands up in the air before walking a frustrated circle.

"Every bit of the case is being challenged, which really is no different than what I expected with Ellis as opposing counsel. We managed to pull out ahead on it, but…"

"But it took a toll."

"A fifty dollar one. We all know Liv and Nick are still working on the whole partners thing, but you should have seen them when they got back from court. Nick wouldn't even make eye contact with Olivia."

"And Olivia?"

"She wasn't angry, if that's what you're asking. Something was up though. There was just this look on her face, or maybe it was more the lack of a look. Bleached, like there wasn't even anything there."

John continued to try to explain it, but Cragen didn't need to hear any more. The description he'd given was more than enough. Olivia was beat down and running on empty. Something little could have been too much, and from the sound of it either Nick had said something in his anger which brought about Olivia shutting down or the cause of the shutdown started Nick off.

So far in this case he'd only been receiving good reports about Olivia. This sudden major downswing was worrying, but potentially involved and linked with the cases. If one wasn't going well her mood would suffer. In those instances if there was anything else she could do, and even times when there wasn't, she'd work harder than before to find something to turn the case around. She was undoubtedly tired, and if she threw her all into working harder it would only tear her down more. In the event that all the extra work still failed to make a difference in the case it wouldn't just tear her down; it would bury her two feet under.

"And then there's the whole unmatched semen which just…"

"What?" Cragen demanded once the last statement had snapped him out of his musing. "What unmatched DNA?"

"Well, see, that's the problem. It's unmatched. We have no idea who it belongs to, though it's a pretty good indication that our victim lied to us about something."

"Victims always hold something back. What's done is done. Let's just hope Cutter can get the jury to overlook that one. In the meantime, keep an eye on everyone. It wouldn't be the first time a bad case turned a detective's claws on their partner."

"Right. I'll keep an eye out. Just come back soon, Captain."

"Trust me, John, I'd much rather be here even if it meant dealing with this mess."

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

The morning had been relatively quiet so far which Cragen was rather thankful for. He had a lot of work to catch up on since he'd been gone, plus a few of his detectives would be in court. As soon as Olivia and Nick had arrived, Cragen had observed them, trying to see if their interactions had improved any. From what he could tell, neither one of them had said a word to the other. Normally that would concern him, but today near silence appeared to be affecting almost all of the detectives. Most of them hadn't said much all morning besides hello or welcome back. The tension of the upcoming decision for the trial was permeating the squad room like the smell of tuna. You simply couldn't get away from it no matter where you turned. Olivia was especially quiet. Before he really had a chance to talk to her she was on her way to the courthouse.

News of the result came back long before Olivia did. Not guilty on all counts. Nick, Fin, and Amanda had gone off in angry rants almost instantly, completely displeased with the decision. They'd known the possibility was there after the trouble they'd had but actually hearing the bad news wasn't easy for them. Word was it had been particularly difficult for Olivia too.

When she finally returned to the squad room Cragen could tell almost immediately that she was hurting. There was barely any expression on her face as she walked in and headed straight for her desk. She hadn't made eye contact with anyone, hadn't said anything. The mask was up, hiding nearly everything she was feeling on the inside. Over time Cragen had learned to read through it. Perhaps not completely, but enough that he could gauge what was really going on. Her eyes just had this lost look in them. Once she dropped into her seat he saw her pull out a file to work on, but she sat there staring at it for a long time before she even picked up a pen.

By 7:30 that night the squad room was dark except for two lights: one at Olivia's desk, the other in Cragen's office. Soon enough his went out and he left his office, coat draped over his arm.

"Olivia?"

Her head came up, and she glanced at him. Some of the emptiness that had filled her eyes before was gone, though Cragen expected it was more because of her professionalism than anything else.

"Yeah, Captain?"

"Go home."

"Just finishing this up, then I will."

Cragen's eyes flickered to her desk. The form was only half complete. Normally it would only take another half hour at most to finish it up, but at the moment he wouldn't have been overly surprised if this was the same form she'd been working on when she'd first gotten back. Reaching for the chair beside her desk he pulled it around a bit and sat down. He watched her with concern for a second in an assessing gaze. She knew he was evaluating her. There was no use hiding it.

"Are you alright, Liv?"

She gave him a sad smile and looked down. The smile was still there when she lifted her head again, but she seemed wearier somehow. Olivia gently brushed her hair out of her face and tucked it behind one ear before answering him.

"I'm fine. Just disappointed."

Cragen lifted an eyebrow. There was more than that, and he was silently pushing for her to reveal it.

"And maybe a little frustrated," she admitted weakly.

"Because we didn't win this case."

Olivia's face twisted, and she turned away. It was so much more than just this case, but she couldn't say that. Cragen needed to know she was still capable of doing her job. And she was.

"You should have seen this girl, Captain. The trial turned everything against her. I've seen some rough trials, but that…" She shrugged and sighed. "Part of it was her own fault, but nobody should have had to go through that. Especially a nineteen year old girl. I did everything I could and…"

And it wasn't good enough.

"We don't win them all, Olivia, and even if we do there is damage done in the process. You know that. Don't start blaming yourself. Go home, rest, and be ready for work tomorrow."

"Yeah." She sighed. "Yeah."

Olivia stood and reached out to gather the file in front of her so she could bring it home. She only got two fingers on it before Cragen gently placed his hand on top, preventing her from taking it with her.

"Go home, Olivia."

She had the sense not to ask if that was an order. Instead she pulled out her coat and purse before heading for the door. Cragen watched her go, worrying the entire time. He couldn't help it.

Once the elevator dinged announcing her departure Cragen stood and headed to the door himself.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

When she came in the next morning it didn't look like the time she'd spent at home last night had helped her any. The dark shadow that had been hovering over her yesterday was still there. The only difference was that today it looked cloudier, heavier. Like rain. This case had hit everyone hard. Olivia wasn't an exception to that, and Cragen knew it. What he hadn't known until now was how far into the ground this loss had pushed her. Two feet? No. Much deeper.

"Olivia," Cragen said softly a she started to pull her chair out to sit down. Her head came up at the sound of her name and she tipped it in a silent question. "Do you have a minute?"

"Ah, Captain, I, uh, have," she glanced down at her desk before looking up at him again, "a lot of work to do."

Cragen didn't doubt that. They all had a lot of work to do; however, he wasn't going to let her use that as an excuse.

"Make time."

Olivia gaped at him a moment, but Cragen simply lifted an eyebrow and jerked his head toward his office. Nothing more needed to be said. He turned on his heel and stepped inside, holding the door open as he waited for her. Olivia sighed, hung her head like an admonished puppy, and started toward him. When she got in and Cragen had closed the door behind her she met his eyes. He recognized the bland look on her face immediately. It was her detective face, the one she used when she didn't want her emotions to show.

"Relax, Olivia. You're not in trouble."

He sat down in one of the chairs on the far side of his desk so it wouldn't be between them. After a quick motion toward the chair across from him Olivia sat down as well, her front fading. Her sadness returned and she sat hunched over, eyes on her hands.

"This case hit you hard."

Her hands clenched together, and she didn't even glance up at him. Olivia took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to steady herself.

"I'm fine, Captain."

Even as she spoke her eyes remained downcast. It wasn't until after she'd finished that she looked up at him. Cragen didn't need to see her eyes to be able to read her though, and he doubted there was any part of her that was fine. There may not even be a large part of her in one piece. She would never admit it, nor would she ever tell him what was really bothering her. Cragen knew that well enough. He also knew he couldn't call her out on her lie if he wanted to give her a chance to help herself. Seeing her barely holding it together after Elliot's official departure had been hard enough and he had ached for her. Despite how hard that had been to watch, he almost preferred it to what he was seeing now.

"I'm sure you are, but that doesn't mean some time off wouldn't do you good."

"No." She shook her head. "No, Cap. I don't need any time."

"This case is over, Olivia, and it's still eating at you."

"It was a bad case. I still feel like we got screwed."

Olivia sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Her eyes took on a distant look that didn't fade even when she continued.

"I just need to focus on the next one."

The next one. Because there was always a next one. They never really won.

This time it was Cragen's turn to sigh, but he nodded at her anyway. He didn't like what he was hearing, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. That was the painful part. He could see the flame she used to have burning out, and all he could do was watch it slowly die.

"Alright, Liv. If you change your mind let me know."

He knew she wouldn't though. No matter how much she was hurting, (and he knew she was hurting) she would try to deal with it on her own. With luck she wouldn't fail, but how much hope did he really have of that? Considering she'd been dealing with things on her own so far and had only seemed to get worse… well, it wasn't a good sign.


	7. Chapter 7 The Benefit of Belief

Chapter Seven – The Benefit of Belief

**Late October through November**

The next few weeks were a fluctuating wave of changes in Olivia. One day she'd be back on her game; the next he'd be seeing the signs of shut down again. Every day it was a question of which side she'd be leaning toward when she came in. When he saw the slumped shoulders and distant eyes he knew they were all in for a rough day. Other days she came in looking calmer, more capable of smiling (maybe), and more like herself. There had even been a few cases she'd knocked completely out of the park. The fears that had ignited after the case with the young musician hadn't faded completely, but they weren't as strong anymore. While he didn't know what would happen in the end, whether she could pull out of this, at least it seemed like she was trying. The progress definitely wasn't fast or in one direction, but there was still a chance.

As Cragen looked out at her now though, that chance seemed small. The light slump of her shoulders said it all. Nick headed over to her and dropped down into the chair beside her desk. The conversation looked civil, and Olivia appeared to be interacting just fine with Nick. Cragen doubted Nick even noticed anything was wrong, though he could be wrong about that considering Nick's instincts. Either way, Cragen recognized the schooled look on Olivia's face. She was not having one of her good days. Nick moved back to his desk, and Cragen returned to his own work after making a mental note to keep an eye on Olivia that day. Not fifteen minutes later events in the squad room caught his attention again.

"We got it!"

Nick was hurrying toward the printer, and Olivia was watching him curiously. After he'd snagged the paper off the printer Nick moved to Olivia's desk, a wide smile on his face.

"We got him, Liv."

"Yeah?"

Olivia took what Cragen assumed was a mug shot from Nick and glanced at it. For the first time that day he saw real emotion lighting her up. A slow smile graced Olivia's face and she nodded at Nick in approval. As she turned to grab her coat Cragen caught the glint of fire and excitement in her eyes. It had been over a week since he'd seen that much light there. Good. Maybe he really was worrying too much.

The two of them disappeared out the door, hopefully to apprehend their suspect. With any luck things would go their way and they'd be back soon enough. If not, well, Cragen wasn't particularly worried. Both of them had left with looks of pure determination on their faces. Should something bad go down, they could handle it.

Luck seemed to be on their side because Olivia walked back into the squad room less than an hour later.

"Things go alright?" he asked as he stepped out of his office to greet her.

Olivia flashed him a smile, looking rather pleased. Not only that, but Cragen saw no sign of her recent weariness or strain. She was herself again. Alive and determined.

"Yeah. Caught him completely off guard. Nick is bringing him down to the cage. I figured I'd give Erin the good news."

"Sounds good. Just get me the paperwork when you're done so we can get this one closed up."

"Will do."

Cragen nodded and left her alone to make the call. She deserved the chance to be the bearer of good news. Hopefully it would help keep her spirits high as well. That was, quite honestly, what he was most worried about.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

"Captain?"

Cragen glanced up from his work to find an officer at the door. Normally he'd be concerned, but he recognized the guy from the building.

"Yes?" he asked curiously.

Without giving a verbal answer the officer stepped aside to let a woman enter instead. She kept a close eye on the man as she passed and gave him a soft thank you. With her slight unease Cragen figured she was one of their victims, but why would she be here to see him? Well, there was only one way to find out. He stood and motioned her to a seat.

"What can I do for you?"

She sat down on the very edge of her chair like a bird prepared to take flight at the first sign of danger. After running a slightly shaky hand through her hair she spoke.

"I was looking for Detective Benson."

The few times they had a victim come in who actually named a specific detective, the name was almost always Olivia's. Unfortunately for both of them Olivia wasn't around.

"She's out right now, but I'm sure one of my other detectives could help you. If you'd be more comfortable talking to a woman, Detective Rollins is here."

"Ah, um, no. Do you know when Detective Benson will be back? I just wanted to thank her."

So she wasn't here to report. He smiled softly at his guest. If she wanted to speak with Olivia, he wouldn't try to turn her away, especially since she would be giving Olivia something positive to hold onto during a time when he personally believed she needed as much positivity as he could get her. Considering this woman had come all the way to the precinct, it shouldn't be too hard to convince her to stick around until Olivia returned.

"Well, Olivia should be back in maybe fifteen or twenty minutes if you'd be willing to wait, Miss…?"

"Howard, and I'll wait."

Cragen nodded his approval and gave her another calm, reassuring smile.

"Good. I can show you to Olivia's desk or one of our interview rooms. Whichever you'd prefer."

"I know where her desk is, but thank you."

Cragen nodded once again and stood to escort her out of his office.

"If you need anything, please let me know."

He watched until she was situated at Olivia's desk before returning to his own. As he refocused on his files he reminded himself to keep an eye out for Olivia's return. While he wouldn't need to let Olivia know she had a guest since Miss Howard was at Olivia's desk, he did want to see the interaction between the two. Perhaps more specifically he just wanted to see how his detective would react to it.

Olivia returned slightly later than he had predicted, but Miss Howard had waited without complaint. As Cragen had expected, Olivia spotted her right away. A flicker of surprise flashed across her face as she approached.

"Erin?"

Ah. Erin Howard. He knew the name, but he had never met her before. This was the woman Olivia had called personally three days ago when she and Nick had picked up her rapist.

Erin stood right away and moved to Olivia's side. Without any warning what-so-ever she reached up and wrapped her arms around Olivia. Cragen saw Olivia hesitate for a second before her arms lifted and she returned the hug. When the two women pulled away he was pretty sure he caught the glint of tears in Erin's eyes. Not only could he observe their interaction, he was incredibly grateful that he'd left his door open so he could hear what the two women were discussing as well.

"Erin…"

"I know that I said thank you over the phone, but I wanted to tell you in person. Thank you, Olivia, for finding him and putting him away. And for helping me."

Olivia smiled quietly at Erin and gently squeezed her arm.

"You're welcome. I'm glad we got him too."

"No, Olivia. The thanks is for so much more than that. If you hadn't been there with me through all of this I don't know what I would have done. I don't know if I would have made it through."

"You would have. You're stronger than you think, Erin."

"There you go again."

"What?"

Olivia honestly looked confused, like she had no idea what Erin was talking about. Cragen didn't even bother to hide the smile that washed over his face when he saw Olivia's expression. She looked like someone had just pointed out that the sky was yellow or birds flew upside down. It was really rather amusing. While Olivia appeared to be completely stumped by Erin's words, Cragen had understood what she'd been getting at right away. Olivia simply had an innate talent for connecting with victims and offering them exactly what they needed to hear at any given time. He knew that it wasn't news to Olivia that she was good with victims. She knew that quite well, but Cragen doubted she knew just how good she was, how much her presence meant.

"Always reassuring me. Always giving me hope when I have none. They're really lucky to have you here, and so are all of us," Erin answered.

"Us?"

"Survivors."

Most people who had been raped, assaulted, or abused didn't refer to themselves as survivors. They tended to use the word victim instead, and that was typically how they felt too. If a victim began using the word survivor, it generally indicated a sense of strength and moving forward. Cragen had always believed that, and he knew Olivia did as well. Something changed in Olivia's eyes when she heard that. Cragen could see it, but he wasn't sure he could identify it. He was still working on putting a name to the light when Erin left.

Olivia remained where she was standing even after Erin had walked out. Slowly her eyes scanned the squad room before she took a slow breath and returned to her desk. She fished into her purse and pulled out a business card. At first she only twirled it in her fingers without looking at it. Then she did glance down at it before tapping the card against her left hand like she did a pen when she was considering how to phrase something in a report. Soon after Olivia picked up the phone and punched in a number. Cragen honestly had no idea who the business card belonged to or why it would cause Olivia so much distress and consideration to use it, but he didn't need to know. Olivia was in charge of her own life, and right now there was definitely life in her. If the owner of the business card could somehow help keep that life in Olivia, then Cragen wasn't all that sure he would care no matter who the person was.

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

If Cragen had to pick the moment that was the turning point for Olivia, it would have been the day Erin Howard came in to thank Liv for solving her case. Whether thanks to Erin or the business card's owner or something else entirely, from that day on Olivia had seemed reborn. The change had been immediately, but the full extent of it was slower. At first she'd simply shown more energy. Then she became more lighthearted and social. Before Cragen knew it he was looking at a detective who was completely in sync with the squad. Olivia was guiding her partner, taking initiative, connecting perfectly with the victims, and driving it home in interrogation. Not only that, but her intuition was cracking cases open and filling in missing pieces. He hadn't had reason to call her into his office for a reminder or reprimand either.

For the most part he hadn't commented on her improvement, but they had been the only ones in the squad room for some time now. It seemed like an occasion that was about as safe as it was ever going to get. Leaving his office, Cragen headed toward Olivia's desk and rested half against it. She pulled her eyes off her paperwork right away and glanced up at him with a slight questioning head tilt.

"Welcome back, Liv."

Her eyes widened slightly, and Cragen couldn't even begin to imagine what was going through her mind after those words. Whatever it was, she seemed to sort it out rather quickly. Before he knew it the swirl of emotion was gone. She beamed up at him, a true smile that made her eyes dance like fireflies on a dark night.

"Thanks, Captain. It's good to be back."

Pride swelled up in him, but Cragen managed to hold it in check. Olivia might have accepted the welcome back, but anything else would be too much. That wasn't a problem. He patted her lightly on the shoulder as he moved past her back to his office. Six months later and Cragen could finally say without any qualms that Olivia was back. The squad was going to be okay. No. They were going to be better. He would make sure of that.

* * *

_Author's Note: Hurray, it's complete! Amazingly enough I actually have another story already planned. Even more amazingly it's going to be a one-shot. I know, me, attempting a one-shot. Honestly, I think this time I can actually do it. We shall see! I also have another overly long and complicated SVU story that's over 55 pages in. It could be one that I don't write all of before I post, but maybe not since I'm not sure if I can actually do that._


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